Can I Trust You?

As long as we feel we are gaining, not losing, we play as WE. However, our fear is that someone will get more. The fear is always: I'll trust you and then you'll stick me in the back.

Even though most of us value being considered a partner, the ability to work together interdependently is one of our least-developed skills. This skill is so vital that, in its absence, good leaders turn bad, good executives become ineffective, and good colleagues turn into adversaries. The skill of opening up to others - and of creating the emotional space for others to open up to us - requires deep trust. Trust is the most precious of the golden threads. Without it, there can be no WE.

When we open up WE to include partners outside of our conventional thinking, we encompass stakeholders and allies beyond the traditional boundaries of the enterprise - including vendors, customers, and donors. We expand the way we work and how we generate value. After all these years, we are starting to see how shifting boundaries - throwing the net wider - is a way to achieve alliances in a new way. With the golden thread of trust, we can weave our lives together like a beautiful tapestry.

WE-centric relationships are built on trust. I trust you will not harm me, and you trust I will not harm you. When we have that level of trust we do no't feel the need to duck into protective behaviors. We automatically assume a mutual support, and we move forward from there.

When we experience doubt about the good intentions of others, for whatever reason, we need to recognize the importance of having the kind of conversations that bring us back to trust. Creating the space for open dialogues enables us to reclaim trust with others.

5 Vital Questions

There are 5 vital questions that, if not addressed on an explicit level, will be working 'behind the scenes' eroding trust at every corner.

• How do I protect myself?
• Who loves me, who hates me?
• Where do I belong, where do I and fit in?
• What do I need to learn to be successful?
• How do I create value with others?

As we interact with others, we are asking and answering these 5 Vital Questions with every interaction. Our human communication system with others is designed to send energy out and get an answer back. As we send out these questions in the form of direct questions or indirect messages to others, we calculate our 'coordinates with others' and navigate either with them or against them. When we are seeing to understand where we stand with others, we are listening, I-centrically. Once we get these questions answered we energetically shift into a "WE-centric" relationship and trust will emerges.

Co-creating a Book is Like Giving Birth!

The 5 Big Questions are key to the health of a relationship, team and organization. These fundamental questions are what propelled a team of us - 18 coaches, consultants, and practitioners at the Creating WE Institute - to do an experiment in co-creation and trust building. We decided to work on writing a book together!

When we started our co-creating conversations, we didn't know what each other was thinking about - we trusted we would find a way to build a conversational space for our best ideas to emerge - and we did.

We didn't know what we would do if we had conflicting ideas that would conflict, or too many ideas. We trusted we would find a way to work through it, and we did.

We didn't know if our ideas were strong enough of big enough, yet as we listened to each other's ideas, and became inspired by what others had to say - we did.



Judith E. Glaser is the Author of two best selling business books:

Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and The DNA of Leadership; the DVD and Workshop titled The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose; and edited and contributed to 42 Rule for Creating WE, a newly published Amazon bestseller.

Contact: 212-307-4386

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