tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44908836682994514742024-02-02T00:41:24.485-05:00Judith E. GlaserJudith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-19423421041352689402011-12-09T10:27:00.001-05:002011-12-09T11:03:38.639-05:00Navigational Listening - the Racer's Edge<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Creating the Maps</b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why we're listening determines the type of information we listen for. Salespeople listen for customer concerns. Lawyers listen for the opposing speaker's faulty logic. Freudian psychiatrists, listen for unconscious motivations. These bits of information are important for the listeners to do their jobs successfully. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Training has taught them not to listen at face value, and to use the time lag between their hearing and their subsequent reply to properly evaluate what is being said. At the same time, they don't dismiss their emotional response to the speaker, their "feel" for the situation or their hunch of what might happen next.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A framework telling them how to influence a person from Point A to Point B also guides these professionals. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In sales, the marketing rep wants to influence a customer from a point of no interest to a commitment to buy. The lawyer tries to influence the jury to his or her point of view. The psychiatrist works to influence the patient toward new insights about personal behavior, motivations or view of the world.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The Untrained Navigator</b></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQy-gsdx88pKRv_wdFCVKPLWxPOhSBn2fX-s_uSXSdxsvW1Rh1wb_DHOZFgRz7ezwMShv8Ir78gG6FBRSvR0v2S0c5GNtJlzn9WmOAWbVyxNp6Ma1hvl1M02jhZ2Dup8rAucc76oLFYk/s1600/image002.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQy-gsdx88pKRv_wdFCVKPLWxPOhSBn2fX-s_uSXSdxsvW1Rh1wb_DHOZFgRz7ezwMShv8Ir78gG6FBRSvR0v2S0c5GNtJlzn9WmOAWbVyxNp6Ma1hvl1M02jhZ2Dup8rAucc76oLFYk/s200/image002.png" width="166" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We hear − 1/7th as fast as we think − about one unit of hearing to five units of thinking. Obviously, the mind has the opportunity and the time to construct questions, inferences, assumptions, and associations as we listen; but are we using this time wisely?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Traditionally, ineffective listening has been viewed as a hearing problem. However, as we gain important new information about the effects of this uniquely human process of hearing on the effectiveness of an organization, we can recognize that ineffective listening is our most vital management/leadership challenge. Consider some of these common types of listening behaviors in business.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"Noise in the Attic" Listening</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Like many people, some we've been taught to think that being a good listener is merely sitting silently while others talk. Outwardly, we appear to be listening. Inwardly, however, we are surrendering to a type of listening called Noise in the Attic.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Disengaged from the speaker's ideas and − sometimes − presence, we are completely involved in our own mental processes, adding partiality and distance between the speaker and ourselves. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg79cnYxzySrgOt94Wx0XRFT8PuXVAK1_eQT8C6cH4b6C9YVi0WoFwVvzryQvlNuDOogPjeLWAPW5mgAGXTgG8IhWEs7K8wagR-5JHCElxFPXoG2SObcqbUud0x3FIL2GRZxUhSpm4mlW0/s1600/image003.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg79cnYxzySrgOt94Wx0XRFT8PuXVAK1_eQT8C6cH4b6C9YVi0WoFwVvzryQvlNuDOogPjeLWAPW5mgAGXTgG8IhWEs7K8wagR-5JHCElxFPXoG2SObcqbUud0x3FIL2GRZxUhSpm4mlW0/s1600/image003.png" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Noise in the Attic listening tends to develop from childhood experiences. As youngsters, how many of us heard: "Don't talk while I'm speaking!" "Don't interrupt me!" "Don't ask so many questions!" "Why? Because I said so!"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Conditioned by these long−ago warnings, many of us in business unconsciously turn off our minds − and potentially good habits of inquiry. Instead of trying to clarify the speaker's intent, we sometimes end up preoccupied with our own internalizations: "Who does she think she is?" "I can do his job better than he can." Or, sometimes we find ourselves planning a trip, remembering a pleasant experience, or even mentally completing a thought left dangling from another conversation... returning from time to time to listen to what is being said. Sound familiar?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"Face Value" Listening</b></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbgn3gQZDW6l-_S3TS3Fmm7H9RBs5sVJQFbjczF6LUADB9bD4M-wL397L9tboG4nGQ4JjAUZMe65KVnD7pSE001GjVFagmiQglaWmrWfcRIsvea70OOZzzp6gAwQ7tk4MKPziu8oWq0EE/s1600/image004.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbgn3gQZDW6l-_S3TS3Fmm7H9RBs5sVJQFbjczF6LUADB9bD4M-wL397L9tboG4nGQ4JjAUZMe65KVnD7pSE001GjVFagmiQglaWmrWfcRIsvea70OOZzzp6gAwQ7tk4MKPziu8oWq0EE/s200/image004.png" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sometimes, we think we are hearing facts, when actually the words we're hearing are interpretations of events being described. In Face Value listening, the listener isn't mentally "checking back" into the real world to see whether the words really explain what they purport to explain.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Words are heard more for their literal meanings rather than as tools for understanding. This explains why executives, managers and staff can differ dramatically in their perceptions. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Children are excellent examples of people who use Face Value listening. But they have no choice, since their experiences are so limited. As adults, we have more experiences, and we should use these experiences to add depth and understanding to the listening process. Unfortunately, many adults hear, rather than listen. Good listening requires guided thought.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"Position" Listening</b></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHAnciEJuuGnrwy05x-YeTTPynx-x_8S2SsQWLzfJP7Qr9RNe6_-5lXIxuTuXfIVmSlPP7UVNPuv0gC2TktQeluXAyCwEC6RDPbC9zz4_ZtbqlqrQg0zJkbo3eXUAbbICSAJxnjjXH1I8/s1600/image005.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHAnciEJuuGnrwy05x-YeTTPynx-x_8S2SsQWLzfJP7Qr9RNe6_-5lXIxuTuXfIVmSlPP7UVNPuv0gC2TktQeluXAyCwEC6RDPbC9zz4_ZtbqlqrQg0zJkbo3eXUAbbICSAJxnjjXH1I8/s200/image005.png" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The business environment has its own unique listening problems. Employees constantly alert for clues to their performance or where they stand, are often victims of Position listening; this highly partial form of listening can be extremely harmful to good communications. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For example: A manager might listen to her president's annual report to determine whether her division will be growing. What she hears in that talk could easily affect her performance during the year as well as her relationships with coworkers. She will listen to immediate superiors to determine her role. Obviously, Position Listening can lead to faulty assumptions and can destroy the morale of a well-managed and high performing team.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Navigational Listening </b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Using navigational listening, the art of knowing how to listen and how listening affects performance can make us better executives. Listening is not an end in itself, but part of a chain of processes that end in a decision, strategy, or change in behavior or point of view.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When driving some place new, we think nothing of stopping at a gas station for a map so we can navigate in unfamiliar territory. In doing this, we learn "how to," so the roads can be navigated efficiently and with less chance of becoming lost. If we get lost, we need only refer back to the map to find our way. Listening can be approached the same way.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The Executive as Navigational Listener</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSPlfZ7-wpXBNmWZhICwswb5k4N_GWsRc7whVVQTe5CQgdqeSMd730gWRkcLl5Hmhiu5fWovHmJy-YsaKpzh5J7CkSLbCfgUnU_pc9eokfmJH00GL_RMhqFQ7kdIU2oGqqxp40jOfjz9M/s1600/image006.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSPlfZ7-wpXBNmWZhICwswb5k4N_GWsRc7whVVQTe5CQgdqeSMd730gWRkcLl5Hmhiu5fWovHmJy-YsaKpzh5J7CkSLbCfgUnU_pc9eokfmJH00GL_RMhqFQ7kdIU2oGqqxp40jOfjz9M/s1600/image006.png" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In business, to be the best executive you can become you need to learn to listen to use navigational listening to work more effectively with others. How are you helping others achieve their goals? How does your listening influence that journey? Who do you need to influence to move quickly from Point A to Point B and why? Where is this conversation going and how does your listening enable a greater achievement of your goals with others? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhEK449VeoUzhW44zwEaMKein57eDy3g9uDvsjuJNKgf7CZzDKTVGGUrfL1oKuYN-0yslnkafinkNAGM4kcF7ukjl15is943p1opuC42_RfrQNRjwuyUD3qPgVye_jN_G99il_s1bQNsw/s1600/judith+boat.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhEK449VeoUzhW44zwEaMKein57eDy3g9uDvsjuJNKgf7CZzDKTVGGUrfL1oKuYN-0yslnkafinkNAGM4kcF7ukjl15is943p1opuC42_RfrQNRjwuyUD3qPgVye_jN_G99il_s1bQNsw/s200/judith+boat.png" width="200" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do a personal audit this month. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Notice how you listen. Notice how you influence while you are listening. Watch how changing your listening to more consistently navigate with others changes your ability to achieve success with others.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Getting to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of relationships, which depend on the quality of conversations. Everything happens through conversation!" -Judith E. Glaser </span></div>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-76037729002415213812011-10-04T08:40:00.001-04:002011-10-05T14:46:53.375-04:00It Started with a YawnYears ago, when I was in graduate school, I wrote a paper called "It started with a yawn." I noticed that when people got together and one person yawned, others yawned within seconds afterwards. Some researchers have claimed that yawning could control brain temperature so that it does not reach extremes.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVrWNP_6YBmywQSLYEjY9ePREKiekIUCYHcLuKis3sl-Jmgh7kWrGVCDY2rAFKKOZ1W5ouI329fVywIDZ-pYJbm-DGcpHtJLGN4-K7nAGwWQZ_HJWUPdE3qwMQYouJmt83jCd0CrH3gj8/s1600/yawning_is_contagious_640_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVrWNP_6YBmywQSLYEjY9ePREKiekIUCYHcLuKis3sl-Jmgh7kWrGVCDY2rAFKKOZ1W5ouI329fVywIDZ-pYJbm-DGcpHtJLGN4-K7nAGwWQZ_HJWUPdE3qwMQYouJmt83jCd0CrH3gj8/s320/yawning_is_contagious_640_01.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>A team of researchers led by Andrew Gallup of Princeton University analyzed the pattern of yawning in people during winters and summers and found that a significantly higher number of participants yawned in the winter then they did during summers. This led the researchers to think that yawning must be serving the purpose of regulating brain temperature so that it stays within permissible limits.<br />
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Published in the journal Frontiers in Evolutionary Neuroscience, the study is said to have involved 160 people from Tucson and another 80 from Arizona in both the seasons.<br />
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<b>I Observe and I Am Curious...</b><br />
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Since I was young, I have been watching,noticing and wondering why people yawn. I have noticed that people yawn together. When someone yawns, others around them often yawn as well. It is as though they are mimicking each other.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTbslsaMQ_I4U2PTQIy27KNF-Hw6P1T7d_XWPMpdUl1GlO8vD4wokpot0BKwiVSvWj9F2cuF7V9w1NT89fh5gMEDI4ygNvWwOel3Dd6pVJocftzqRoAv8euEL4lIWL59BeFW6aNV6w45I/s1600/40D86784-67B2-44D1-8D69-866D7BAA7E13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTbslsaMQ_I4U2PTQIy27KNF-Hw6P1T7d_XWPMpdUl1GlO8vD4wokpot0BKwiVSvWj9F2cuF7V9w1NT89fh5gMEDI4ygNvWwOel3Dd6pVJocftzqRoAv8euEL4lIWL59BeFW6aNV6w45I/s320/40D86784-67B2-44D1-8D69-866D7BAA7E13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I've also noticed that people yawn when someone they are talking with 'talks for a long time' about a complex subject that they are not fully following. 'Metaphorically it's like communicating "enough, I can't hold that much information in my brain." or "I can't understand what you are saying - I can't grasp it all."<br />
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I am curious about the connection between "yawning to regulate temperature" and "people yawning together" - either as a mimicking response or as a possible overload response.<br />
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In the case of overload ... Angelika Dimoka, a neuroscientist from Temple University Fox School of Business has been studying overload and decision-making.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg28C4voc4EseORtCKtcNh5DRFwKsCat7O7r9morDQuqHNfb9W6NRcH3Vav_0x5BktGo6ZprrYv01gwqoQLoacXgdW7Q8pH6E4oIJXZhD3fcpMPTxp9lxwD0ZcjRjkMB3-bkJ2MnAf2png/s1600/yawning+.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg28C4voc4EseORtCKtcNh5DRFwKsCat7O7r9morDQuqHNfb9W6NRcH3Vav_0x5BktGo6ZprrYv01gwqoQLoacXgdW7Q8pH6E4oIJXZhD3fcpMPTxp9lxwD0ZcjRjkMB3-bkJ2MnAf2png/s320/yawning+.jpg" width="205" /></a></div>In her study, researchers gave people a bidding task with lots of information to work with in order to make their decisions. As the researchers gave the bidders more and more information, activity in the dorsolateral PFC suddenly fell off as if a circuit breaker had popped." The bidders reached cognitive and information overload," says Dimoka. They start making stupid mistakes and bad choices because the brain region responsible for smart decision-making has essentially left the premises. For the same reason, their frustration and anxiety soar: the brain's emotion regions -previously held in check by the dorsolateral PFC - run as wild as toddlers on a sugar high. The two effects build on one another. "With too much information, " says Dimoka, "people's decisions make less and less sense." (Newsweek, February 27, 2010, Sharon Beagley)<br />
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If we use this new information about cognitive overload, we can see that our whole brain state shifts when we are called upon to deal with and comprehend complex subjects. Overload causes us to shut down the parts of the brain needed to think.<br />
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Yawning may help restore a state of equilibrium. Breathing may slow our heart rate and enable us to get into a higher state of coherence. When we yawn, it's possible we are calling upon our ability to restore a state of clarity, openness and receptivity. (http://topnews.us/content/243535-yawning-regulates-brain-temperature)<br />
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<b>In the Case of Mimicking...Is Yawning Contagious?</b><br />
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While yawning is often associated with being tired and<br />
needing more oxygen in the bloodstream, people yawn for many reasons including stress, boredom, emotion and over-work.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMzDqtX574qinbj61BAnHNQ9hi-QdKE3k-8fdJQCU1ZKAHTXffvWTpXv0sn03mKfFWbr6UZnXg0HK81logm8VIefxD5dQvniT5B1JPcVoae0n4F3JwCDQH7zRf9ep5fDEhaVRz26ZpCag/s1600/people+yawning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMzDqtX574qinbj61BAnHNQ9hi-QdKE3k-8fdJQCU1ZKAHTXffvWTpXv0sn03mKfFWbr6UZnXg0HK81logm8VIefxD5dQvniT5B1JPcVoae0n4F3JwCDQH7zRf9ep5fDEhaVRz26ZpCag/s320/people+yawning.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Yawning together with others suggests another fascinating principle about human behavior. Yawning may be contagious. Is it possible that what triggers people to yawn together is a herding response - a subtle way to communicate group behavior - such as when one bird in a flock flies and the others follow the behavior of that one bird so they all rise together as a whole flock.<br />
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When one person yawns it appears to cause another person to yawn. Researchers have found that 40-60% of people who see a picture of someone yawning will yawn themselves. Even reading the word YAWN can make people yawn.<br />
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Maybe a yawn is a signal to the group that it's time to go to sleep. Or, if someone yawns when they're bored, it may be a sign to change the topic of conversation.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQKixp6gRftwgnlsihRorSkefQfmN86FqWazbcL7y43iZWb2BgUij532K36-YpqKu8uCXD2YjKXdIpX4oKW2-PXNIRiqvp_JEGDXTvKsvJuaYK-gd99R91jj1yCBSzYHO3-RSfjlkhG4/s1600/yawning_is_contagious_640_12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqQKixp6gRftwgnlsihRorSkefQfmN86FqWazbcL7y43iZWb2BgUij532K36-YpqKu8uCXD2YjKXdIpX4oKW2-PXNIRiqvp_JEGDXTvKsvJuaYK-gd99R91jj1yCBSzYHO3-RSfjlkhG4/s200/yawning_is_contagious_640_12.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Yawning is not limited to humans. Animals of all types yawn. If you have a dog or cat, you've probably seen your pet yawn several times. Even some birds yawn, such as cockatiel parrots, Adelie penguins and Emperor penguins.<br />
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What we do know is that yawning helps replenish the levels of oxygen in the blood, and may help regulate our body temperature. The same chemicals in our brain that affect our moods and emotions also cause us to yawn.<br />
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Ancient Greeks started the ritual of covering your mouth when you yawn so that your soul does not escape!<br />
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Notice when people yawn ... what is going on in the conversation? What might trigger the need for more oxygen? Why might a deep breath be needed? Why is this conversation having such an impact at the deep visceral level?<br />
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Maybe there are times we need to breathe new life into a situation, a conversation or relationship. Think about it...notice it...reflect on it...and talk about it with others...it's a phenomenon of nature.<br />
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Want to learn more about contageous yawning? Check out this cool video from Discovery Channel's MythBusters: http://www.yourdiscovery.com/video/mythbusters-top-10-is-yawning-contagious/?cc=US<br />
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<b>Trust at the Moment of Contact</b><br />
In my new book on trust, I talk about the most important social forces that are hardwired into our DNA and drive our 'humanity.' Whether we were around three thousand years ago, or we are living today, these forces guide our interactions with each other. We are still struggling to figure it out, to work it through, and to find ways to emerge more whole and more humanized as a global community. Check out three sample chapters here: www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/cms/node/36<br />
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Getting to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of relationships, which depend on the quality of conversations.<br />
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Everything happens through conversation!<br />
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</div>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-85470214142322908262011-07-21T11:47:00.003-04:002011-07-21T13:18:28.996-04:00Ownership and Power<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=4490883668299451474&postID=8547021414232290826&from=pencil" name="LETTER.BLOCK16"></a><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Israel took me by surprise. My husband and I celebrated my 10th year cancer free anniversary this year in Israel, and it was an incredible place to be for this profound time in our lives. Israel is the history of the world found in one small spot on the world map. One small piece of geography filled with so much emotion, so much history, and so much push and pull about who owns what and why.</span></span><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKTwl32eBUvYbb3J4s6j8wNsFwF2e6GLnhXzAYcjnp6Iq6Ao2T2O2hpTDz68TDp_hT1_vtqaDlxk1U0uoRW7uniZShj13fpBdtkLEVcQ2IJ44duXv1rQ8mFwjuDdkjCLRQbR2tlG_EicA/s1600/judith+1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKTwl32eBUvYbb3J4s6j8wNsFwF2e6GLnhXzAYcjnp6Iq6Ao2T2O2hpTDz68TDp_hT1_vtqaDlxk1U0uoRW7uniZShj13fpBdtkLEVcQ2IJ44duXv1rQ8mFwjuDdkjCLRQbR2tlG_EicA/s1600/judith+1.png" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Our guide, Nachum, was the best storyteller and facilitator of learning I have ever met. As we drove down a particular street in Tel Aviv, he pointed out that this street was the line that separated Palestinians from the Israeli's; each with houses facing the other with just a small street separating them. He pointed out that many houses had bullet holes in the stone facing - fresh ones - and many of the windows were closed down to a small opening to avoid the sniper fire that came through the windows. Conflict, fighting, war, hate were just a street apart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;">In six days, Nachum brought together for us the 'now' of Israel with the past 3,000 years of history as two stories</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"> side by side. For the first time I could understand why the conflict doesn't want to go away. What we learned was that for thousands of years, each society that came to Israel, tried to wipe out the society before. They leveled the buildings down to the ground and build their edifices on top of the remaining rubble. Each took ownership of the land. Each marked their territory with their culture. Each lived there until the next great fight took place and another stronger power came in to conquer, enslave or exile the existing population.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">Learning from History</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeGEzWLZjsgJ26XjrH9Rmjf3dG4OiXDj2ks9oysg43rYqjT7e46V6butcuzMRqSgeBDkIfqqc_lwzucfmhNM8kMdiXeM5OH9FeKFlnNfUqsuZONWccWAL7X-F23IgABU97W4f_qJGj87U/s1600/judith2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeGEzWLZjsgJ26XjrH9Rmjf3dG4OiXDj2ks9oysg43rYqjT7e46V6butcuzMRqSgeBDkIfqqc_lwzucfmhNM8kMdiXeM5OH9FeKFlnNfUqsuZONWccWAL7X-F23IgABU97W4f_qJGj87U/s200/judith2.png" width="200" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People in Israel have rebuilt as much of history as they can so that visitors from around the world can see what happened... experience what happened... relive what happened with the hope that we can open our minds to the forces that continue to bring us together and pull us apart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"> </span><span style="color: black;"> </span><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In Israel, archeological sites are being rebuilt so visitors can step into a 'recreated' edifice and experience the space, as did those who lived there thousands of years ago. They chart the old and new with a dark thick line on the walls, where below is the actual remaining wall and above is recreated space, the allowing visitors to step into that room and its history as through it were now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifyysQcqdBoDTe1SAQIjX0vjK7kk5KOeQPoMmotwvh2T3DoOkeGxDnPjvCXgNtnsPyYXsawI-mjzhCP-NRvxTJylgnQaRXu-TQsBG1FDrNongjz1CcaRLGfXBYKnTl0SSXlaCJXvWgIDk/s1600/Untitled.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifyysQcqdBoDTe1SAQIjX0vjK7kk5KOeQPoMmotwvh2T3DoOkeGxDnPjvCXgNtnsPyYXsawI-mjzhCP-NRvxTJylgnQaRXu-TQsBG1FDrNongjz1CcaRLGfXBYKnTl0SSXlaCJXvWgIDk/s200/Untitled.png" width="200" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One such recreated space we visited was at Masada - King Herod's fortress, where 960 Jewish zealots made their last ditch stand against the Romans, and chose to all commit suicide rather than being slaughtered and having their wives and children taken into slavery by their enemies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">People are drawn to Israel. We want to experience the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">past in a safe way. We want to see it, and learn from it,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">yet the learning seems to live at the top of our consciousness and not filter down inside where we are willing to make fundamental changes in how we work together, how we live together and how we thrive together.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">Holding Reality In Our Hands</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiLXTQWPR181LLx3kp7rIxQz8-y_tgYlHplSM5SK1rctoWHPk-KWZD5TZ15DNnotwoWjUAASyA1Ez8cb-DeqNIhMcS1Y-b7kNPpVYbRyYwoSFAR80nWnWdzSldKFkQF_-tyO-ugh73ScQ/s1600/4.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiLXTQWPR181LLx3kp7rIxQz8-y_tgYlHplSM5SK1rctoWHPk-KWZD5TZ15DNnotwoWjUAASyA1Ez8cb-DeqNIhMcS1Y-b7kNPpVYbRyYwoSFAR80nWnWdzSldKFkQF_-tyO-ugh73ScQ/s320/4.png" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was blown away by this... an architect devoted his whole life to recreating the Western Wall and the city of Jerusalem in a 'model' so people would be able to walk around history and see and feel the story of people over thousands of years living through growth and conflict.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As Nachum walked us around the model we could be back there and be here at the same time - starting to understand the mighty forces of humanity and the tensions of people with different beliefs struggling to live together.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Q6vw4EAw71orj9I7Vs9unc9zprp_fzt2DjDjTo-kZgh59QcUV62W1ZxrIa7lo7Nme3uZJjhy4EheW_WSoeByLQgTe4c0c4GP6HZKR5beIbNFKswVpE-gBNxt1_tK1vGGNa7q5bEYOfI/s1600/5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Q6vw4EAw71orj9I7Vs9unc9zprp_fzt2DjDjTo-kZgh59QcUV62W1ZxrIa7lo7Nme3uZJjhy4EheW_WSoeByLQgTe4c0c4GP6HZKR5beIbNFKswVpE-gBNxt1_tK1vGGNa7q5bEYOfI/s400/5.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In our last day of the trip, we visited a newly unearth archeological site. This very ancient city has been the focus of a 29-year old excavation, which began when a mud slide after a torrential rain opened up the ground and below the rows of fully-grown trees emerged remnants of a theater. The archeologists knew that if a theater was there, then the city was near by - and it was!</span></div><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO4n589zT2e4_NFLPbmZmtgsDeObv7vldjdaUT9Mcq7E7jWECXFz7xvB7Qsw-jBS_nuoa5OUEW1EF01NUAnr9dxGCjEYPSKFJLQbts4cDDRMvKP5MLf4YqEo6OuaCpVKg338jhlkw5H54/s1600/6.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO4n589zT2e4_NFLPbmZmtgsDeObv7vldjdaUT9Mcq7E7jWECXFz7xvB7Qsw-jBS_nuoa5OUEW1EF01NUAnr9dxGCjEYPSKFJLQbts4cDDRMvKP5MLf4YqEo6OuaCpVKg338jhlkw5H54/s200/6.png" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO4n589zT2e4_NFLPbmZmtgsDeObv7vldjdaUT9Mcq7E7jWECXFz7xvB7Qsw-jBS_nuoa5OUEW1EF01NUAnr9dxGCjEYPSKFJLQbts4cDDRMvKP5MLf4YqEo6OuaCpVKg338jhlkw5H54/s1600/6.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;">As the team of archeologists dug the site, they unearthed an incredible city; they found markets for selling wares, spas for daily public bathing and having 'massages,' and a section of city where prostitutes offered their talents daily to those who were interested. Nachum showed us that this spot was another example of </span><span style="color: #333333;">'many owners'. At one </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;">time this land had been 'built up and owned' by the Jews, then taken over by the Byzantines, then by the Greeks and then inhabited by the Romans followed by the Arabs. The story of ownership and power continued to emerge right in front of our eyes in this archeological excavation, and continues to re-emerge as we return to the present and read the newspapers and talk with our friends about the fate of Israel and the larger story of how 'WE' is being created and destroyed right in front of our eyes.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;">How do we Create WE today? What are the most important and fundamental principles that we need to consider and practice as we learn to activate the most human parts of our minds, hearts and brains?</span><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">Creating WE Social Forces™</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where do these tensions live inside of you? Where do they live inside of your culture? Where do they live inside of your relationships, and what are you doing to understand how to move with them not against them...<o:p></o:p></span></div><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>F</b>airness - how do we work out what is fair for 'us'? <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>O</b>wnership - what do we own, and what are our rules of engagement around ownership?<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>R</b>ejection - in what way might we be unnecessarily rejecting that which is different than us?<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>C</b>onnection - in what ways can we foster connectivity and deeper understanding?<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>E</b>xpression - how can we give each other space to speak our thoughts and express our voice?<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="color: #333333; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>S</b>tatus - how might status be getting in the way of creating 'power-with' others?<o:p></o:p></span></li>
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #333333;">Trust at the Moment of Contact</span></b><span style="color: #333333;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJj2r78_6VxfvLHjaugdeP8IBwv2uqcsChh9Ag4WIkuGJ94g1xE0JbPKSxakdI3yKA1S3VsTRvHZkOo5Z-6wwU-Kzs48kJLCSF-fl7i0OZFBzm4aZRiOIY4z-_h57c_skc5FowKz_8olM/s1600/trust.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJj2r78_6VxfvLHjaugdeP8IBwv2uqcsChh9Ag4WIkuGJ94g1xE0JbPKSxakdI3yKA1S3VsTRvHZkOo5Z-6wwU-Kzs48kJLCSF-fl7i0OZFBzm4aZRiOIY4z-_h57c_skc5FowKz_8olM/s200/trust.png" width="141" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;">In my new book on Trust (<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/cms/pdf/TRUST%20BOOK%20Chapter%201-3.pdf">link to three sample chapters</a></span><span style="color: #333333;">), </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I talk about the most important social forces that are hardwired into our DNA and drive our 'humanity.' Whether we were around three thousand years ago, or we are living today, these forces guide our interactions with each other. We are still struggling to figure it out, to work it through, and to find ways to emerge more whole and more humanized as a global community.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div></div>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-88574348926464395702011-06-22T15:09:00.006-04:002011-07-21T12:11:12.822-04:00First Day, New Job, Now What?<a href="" name="LETTER.BLOCK13"></a><br />
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<tr><td colspan="1" rowspan="1"><div align="left" style="text-align: left;"><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">People are often resistant to change because they think change means changing themselves. Many of us have a fear of change - but I think it's actually something deeper than fear of change. Under the surface, for many people change is really a<b><i> fear of loss</i></b>.<span> </span>Our mind plays many tricks on us.</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Change = fear = risk=loss=loss of status. It's all hardwired.</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span>That is why I wrote </span><span><b><i>The </i></b></span><b><i>Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose.</i></b></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><img align="left" border="0" height="156" hspace="10" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.121" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/121.jpg" style="text-align: left;" vspace="10" width="209" /></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Gregory diligently practiced the Ground Rules at the pond. By watching other lead geese, he believed strongly that having 'power-over others' was what leadership was all about.<span> </span></span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Yet one day, the hunters came to the pond and started to shoot at all the geese. In a time of crisis, Gregory discovered all the Power Rules no long served him well.<span> </span>While in the air, Gregory made a 'leadershift.' He turned to the other geese - trusting them to become leaders, and they did. They split their "V" into three and the hunters didn't catch one goose that day. Gregory called this 'power-with others'. He discovered his most important wisdom - sharing power releases the leadership instincts in others. </span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span><span><b>Power Rule #1: </b>Power comes from how strongly you flap your wings...</span></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><img align="right" border="0" height="123" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.119" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/119.jpg" style="text-align: right;" vspace="5" width="185" /></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b>Power Rule #2:<span> </span></b>Power comes from how loudly you honk...</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b>Power Rule <span>#3:<span> </span></span></b>Power comes from how much you honk...</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b>Power Rule #4:<span> </span></b>Power comes from how well you strut...</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b>Power Rule #5:<span> </span></b>Power comes from how fast and strong you are...</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><img align="left" alt="Geese in a row" border="0" height="110" hspace="10" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.120" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/120.jpg" style="text-align: left;" vspace="15" width="166" /></div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b>Power Rule #6:<span> </span></b>Power comes from your ability to peck...</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><b>Power Rule #7:<span> </span></b>Power comes from how well you keep other geese in line...</div></div><div align="left" style="color: #4c4c4c; text-align: left;"><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><b><i>Or So He Thought!</i></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span color="#808000" face="Verdana, Geneva" size="2"><span style="line-height: 19px;">For years I've been coaching and consulting to tough, smart leaders who<span> are really comfortable using "honking, pecking, and strutting" leadership behaviors. They don't want to let go because these behaviors are tied into their </span></span><span style="line-height: 19px;">positional</span><span style="line-height: 19px;"> power. They don't want people to think they are weak.</span></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="line-height: 19px;"><img align="left" border="0" height="126" hspace="5" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.118" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/118.jpg" style="text-align: left;" vspace="10" width="191" /></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">As part of our work, leaders and I talk about what 'goose' behaviors represent and how they affect their ability to achieve their main business objectives.</span><span> </span><span style="line-height: 19px;">It's quite amazing what insights come out of this conversation. </span><span style="line-height: 19px;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">Often leaders will realize that when they are using power-over behaviors, the impact is that employees become 'followers'; they obey without question, and do not take risks.<span> </span>Instead of building high trust, organizations that are willing to experiment and try<i>new things</i>, they end up with a compliant organization where fear of change is rampant - just the opposite of what they want to achieve.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span><br />
Once leaders see there is a direct connection between their "power-over" leadership style and the results they are getting from their employees, they are free to change.<br />
<br />
Within a short while, something miraculous happens; their team's resistance to change dissolves and productivity reins. This is a perfect example of how effective the Gregory model can be.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><em><b>From Power-Over to Power-With</b></em></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, Geneva; font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> <img border="0" height="175" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.122" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/122.jpg" style="text-align: left;" vspace="10" width="296" /></div><div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 19px;">Gregory offers a way to get anchored in a new type of leadership, which is 'moving from power-over to power-with'.<span> </span>Following the Gregory Workshop I recommend a process of peer coaching that involves having leaders who have gone through a Gregory Session together, meet on a regular basis - every six weeks or two months - where each of them commits to doing experiments using the seven new leadership behaviors that they want to model.</span></div><div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 19px;">Leaders learn to share their experiences with each other and talk about the results that they're getting. This process creates a living organization that's really committed to a different type of leadership, and the stories the leaders share are crystal clear, real-life examples of what people are actually doing so they learn from each other about dramatically new and exciting ways to lead.</span></div></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><a href="" name="LETTER.BLOCK30"><table bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" bordercolor="#48718F" cellpadding="10" cellspacing="0" id="content_LETTER.BLOCK30" style="background-color: white; border-bottom-color: rgb(72, 113, 143); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(72, 113, 143); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(72, 113, 143); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(72, 113, 143); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td align="center" colspan="1" rowspan="1" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: center;"><div align="left" style="text-align: left;"><div align="center" class="p1" style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1"><b>Gregory Goose Leadership Program</b></span><span class="s2"><b> </b></span></div><div class="p1" style="font-size: 10pt; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="s2">Listen to the interview from the </span>Jim Blasingame Show <a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?llr=ycsujfcab&et=1106128094063&s=0&e=001mbH8kDJWEGE1x-YQdLus4wR_NGYooSpVWw-jc_NoAA90Mi8A3DKNg-8HIGO5kDTiBFJzmaJlAg2tkpk1JWjIwjpxrP5kUFrmt7zgWeoGxkRg_88RD7iHaKgKH8P_5VKd_M4FgqfZa9BdKgg4HkLD_521d5Uz_oiNYGnAHWWXvrS8GA1AoDEwuw==&id=preview" shape="rect" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a>. To learn more about the program <span class="s3"><b><a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?llr=ycsujfcab&t=e4hjzfgab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&id=preview&ts=S0637&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com%2Fcms%2Fnode%2F54" linktype="link" shape="rect" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" track="on">click here</a></b></span>. If you are interested in buying the Gregory Goose books, <span class="s3"><b><a href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?llr=ycsujfcab&t=e4hjzfgab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&id=preview&ts=S0637&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com%2Fcms%2Fnode%2F57" linktype="link" shape="rect" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank" track="on">click here</a></b></span>.<img border="0" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.133" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/133.png" vspace="5" width="356" /></div><div><br />
</div></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table></a>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-48568280186436890772011-05-16T16:35:00.000-04:002011-05-16T16:35:59.448-04:00Co-creating Conversations & ConnectivityMany of us learn how to talk to each other without graduating to the next level of conversation that enables us to go after and achieve our greatest aspirations with others.<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj72EU0YwvsLmpJaB1uer5ADS-WFdI_q6WrN6KmQoyHz2tRphqls89gfl8weC_cBoPTekGNioE3-a56j0I_PGzqYML8S27hRnmriV43jeVevOmjaZooq9h34n3i97A24L-qq3FoFQaZmQ/s1600/summit+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj72EU0YwvsLmpJaB1uer5ADS-WFdI_q6WrN6KmQoyHz2tRphqls89gfl8weC_cBoPTekGNioE3-a56j0I_PGzqYML8S27hRnmriV43jeVevOmjaZooq9h34n3i97A24L-qq3FoFQaZmQ/s320/summit+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div>How easy it is to fall into discussions that reinforce what we don't want in our present situation, or focuses on what we think is broken. Coming from lack or scarcity and focusing on fixing our problems rather than feeding our passions and what we want to achieve has become such a human habit that we don't even know we're doing it. It's as though that is the way it has always been.<br />
<div><br />
</div><div>But turning up connectivity in your workspace creates a powerful energy shift that you can master and author in your relationships. The tool that creates this level of connectivity is co-creating conversations. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Connectivity Within Teams and Organizations<br />
</b><br />
Creating connectivity within a team enables a forward moving power that not only works in the moment to produce syncopated action, but also serves the team members as a fundamental way of being as they interact with each other. </div><div><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div>When teams sync together through co-creating, they are more able to raise the level of their performance. Too often companies "force" alignment in the name of vision and values, rather than inspire it. True connectivity achieved through <br />
<br />
co-creating conversations enables alignment to come from within. This creates a level of performance that, if directed toward positive and outrageous goals, consistently brings home medals for the performing team - it can't be forced from without by compliance and coercion. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqzdaKTdrroFsIfT6SHEO9su7ujUmIjBq_ssE3KwEfX0loFfstNgWZL63WJi8pfk6HcQT6Y78DzYGrHVQwIHx3udjO4L4929_1DMLHnG-VqCT1BpLemUbPbnWb7q3x6dShocOsIMMCgA/s1600/Summit+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOqzdaKTdrroFsIfT6SHEO9su7ujUmIjBq_ssE3KwEfX0loFfstNgWZL63WJi8pfk6HcQT6Y78DzYGrHVQwIHx3udjO4L4929_1DMLHnG-VqCT1BpLemUbPbnWb7q3x6dShocOsIMMCgA/s320/Summit+1.jpg" width="314" /></a></div>Once teams and individuals discover true connectivity, they create a broader ripple effect of co-creating behavior with others. Team members begin to listen to connect, and distrust seems to give way to higher levels of bonding and mutual support.<br />
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Listening without judgment, sharing ideas without fear of criticism, and with support from associates is co-creating conversations in action. The "been there, done that" or "that idea won't work" type of comments will turn into "let's try that" and "good idea, let's expand on that." <br />
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Co-creating conversations is a shift in mindset from protecting what you have to partnering with others to create something bigger than we could have imagined alone. We move from "being right" to seeking new insights for shared success. <br />
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Research has shown that making the mindset shift also signals the brain to be open to share and discover with others rather than 'persuade' them of our ideas. This also triggers neurochemicals in the brain - which are called the 'feel good hormones' such as dopamine and oxytocin, which reinforces the open state of mind. In addition, when we start to innovate, our brain also releases serotonin and endorphins, which are part of the brain's reward systems reinforcing the sharing process. <br />
<br />
This brain symphony is what moves us from distrust, which releases cortisol - the fear hormone - to trust, which is what releases the beautiful suite of neurochemicals that produce engagement, collaboration and innovation.<br />
<br />
</div><div></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfHqjHqPP7hDWDeEm2DLrcDf9gil9FCzaqU0aGshHfEANjLmPrAJZEOB8_4eAlHkxtBQ6k1dcAK9WQ7UTM7g6g1UJdblqKGCtStS2TEnIlxAByaZ_XqBLUGfgU_8hpEVPSzoS1tpV934Y/s1600/summit+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfHqjHqPP7hDWDeEm2DLrcDf9gil9FCzaqU0aGshHfEANjLmPrAJZEOB8_4eAlHkxtBQ6k1dcAK9WQ7UTM7g6g1UJdblqKGCtStS2TEnIlxAByaZ_XqBLUGfgU_8hpEVPSzoS1tpV934Y/s320/summit+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Co-creativity, first built on trust, then multiplies into a higher and faster amount of innovation that show up in many surprising ways. It's as though you rise up to a new level in the role you and others play in weaving the tapestry and threads of the topics you are discussing. New insights and new levels of wisdom unfold - surprising insights show up that had been hitherto invisible to you, but now are just in you and your team's consciousness. Using the practices of co-creating conversations enables higher levels of connectivity.<br />
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Many people explain moments of connectivity as "a feeling that life is flowing through them. It's a feeling of being on a boat propelled by the force of a river - a current moving you to your next stop on your journey; a blending of control with a higher force propelled by curiosity and discovery." <br />
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Unlock your connectivity with co-creating conversations - just listen with support, appreciate each other - unlock the power of connectivity. <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="clear: left; color: black; float: left; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt=" " height="200" src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" width="133" /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/" style="color: #5473c0; text-decoration: none;">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 20px;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/" style="color: #5473c0; text-decoration: none;">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance" style="color: #5473c0; text-decoration: none;">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm" style="color: #5473c0; text-decoration: none;">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1" style="color: #5473c0; text-decoration: none;">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, an Amazon bestseller.</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"></div></div></div>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-91367451796742639582011-01-30T23:56:00.000-05:002011-01-30T23:56:43.235-05:00How Disagreements Rock Your World!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXHUe07yCI09b8pOR99v11NdKF0edBQTgmssUkgjw8nqxsz9m16U1cvkN7hhUvO9rlrYeK5rx_CZY4aNF0NPk5IE9l19XrUtKogFPOmKlkK7j002VCzVlZ9xaCTfAAnI_Uyx0Eg2EL-AA/s1600/JEG+thumb+up-down.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXHUe07yCI09b8pOR99v11NdKF0edBQTgmssUkgjw8nqxsz9m16U1cvkN7hhUvO9rlrYeK5rx_CZY4aNF0NPk5IE9l19XrUtKogFPOmKlkK7j002VCzVlZ9xaCTfAAnI_Uyx0Eg2EL-AA/s200/JEG+thumb+up-down.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Our brains are incredibly sensitive to nuances and meta-messages. Our need to belong and to be important in each others' eyes is strong; yet there are many ways we signal each other that show that we are not. Disagreeing with another's point of view is the case in point.<br />
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When we disagree with someone, we are sending very subtle <i><b>signals</b></i> about who is up and who is down - who has the power and who does not.<br />
<br />
<b>Disagreements in the Workplace</b><br />
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Disagreements lead us right into the dance of power - the "alpha-alpha" dynamic. Conflicts and disagreements in the workplace, set off people and cause tensions about power and status.<br />
<br />
Disagreeing with someone is not just "disagreeing with their point of view, or the information they are sharing. Disagreeing can communicate the following <i><b>"meta-messages"</b></i> if not careful:<br />
<ol><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVOTr2pO46a_e9qhP-HyfBIDlA3u-9XYA4ZDL_93P-U045lowMfarVWRBJSSHFfAMdOrcuE2jRmInyAH0_KwybaZo39qCP6XsUQRA3CbrCXeQlYQljC3riAW-3xjK63FFy3ZveqJ1pbw8/s1600/JEG+right_wrong.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVOTr2pO46a_e9qhP-HyfBIDlA3u-9XYA4ZDL_93P-U045lowMfarVWRBJSSHFfAMdOrcuE2jRmInyAH0_KwybaZo39qCP6XsUQRA3CbrCXeQlYQljC3riAW-3xjK63FFy3ZveqJ1pbw8/s200/JEG+right_wrong.png" width="200" /></a>
<li>I am right, you are wrong.</li>
<li>"You stupid idiot" (YSI) - how could you think such thoughts.</li>
<li>How could you see the world that way.</li>
<li>You must be blind to the truth</li>
</ol><b>Truth-telling Instincts</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJB4Wzwk80eBEsBMyx7ruzC8gobGdEc3U4UeZ5t58khlZyOvnMG7t4OFbWo_TRVM7n-hQGduE-F9T6I18hM6G-w6bu6rboWY3u5Okbk3bTxSaDflPkhSkb7FEMf53JDJeoBrzDVTUmGoo/s1600/JEG+cartoon+1-2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJB4Wzwk80eBEsBMyx7ruzC8gobGdEc3U4UeZ5t58khlZyOvnMG7t4OFbWo_TRVM7n-hQGduE-F9T6I18hM6G-w6bu6rboWY3u5Okbk3bTxSaDflPkhSkb7FEMf53JDJeoBrzDVTUmGoo/s200/JEG+cartoon+1-2011.jpg" width="200" /></a>Human beings have built in hard-wiring for truth-telling. When we disagree - our truth-telling sensitivities are activated - and we feel the truth or the absence of truth at the deepest levels of our being. We all want to trust our observations and beliefs; however, disagreeing can challenge US at the core of who we are. Disagreements are not felt as disagreements about 'facts and data.' Disagreements are about <i><b>'whose view of reality is true.'</b></i><br />
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When we challenge each other's perspectives, we trigger the Amygdala - the part of our primitive brain that is associated with 'fight/flight/freeze or appease.' The neurochemical reaction to conflict goes deeper and permeates other parts of our brain such as the Prefrontal Cortex, which are associated with our 'executive functions.' Conflict is such a powerful trigger, that when 'conflicts and disagreements' arise between us - we get 'Amygdala Hijacked,' which means we get emotionally threatened and triggered!<br />
<br />
<b>Get Smart...</b><br />
<br />
Here are some tips for avoiding getting into an unintended conflict with others:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b>DON'T SAY</b><br />
Don't say, <i><b>"yes - but"</b></i> - and then deliver your perspective. <br />
The "but" negates anything that came before that appeared like an agreement - and turns <br />
the conversation into a combat.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>DO SAY</b><br />
Alternatively, saying <i><b>"yes - and"</b></i><br />
creates an extended conversation that builds on ideas - it says, what you said is really important, <br />
and let's take it one step further. The "and" invites further development of the conversation and expands perspectives. I call this type of conversation "co-creating" and when people in the workplace make a shift to a co-creating style - even when they don't fully agree with others - it moves people away from adversarial behavior and into collegiality.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBYw5butbAyG1tZeJ8pGfs3GzF-EjY_qCXFBwiACTD3b6CHvGlb2F2b7qhdLYwCPlPLe8MRZ50_9WtbRgBGgVitgClEeGeJwb_e4qNM0V1IYwA_qf5_VNQYs0LMNf0AbHlKrYRBO9Hgos/s1600/JEG+respect.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBYw5butbAyG1tZeJ8pGfs3GzF-EjY_qCXFBwiACTD3b6CHvGlb2F2b7qhdLYwCPlPLe8MRZ50_9WtbRgBGgVitgClEeGeJwb_e4qNM0V1IYwA_qf5_VNQYs0LMNf0AbHlKrYRBO9Hgos/s200/JEG+respect.gif" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>DON'T SAY</b><br />
When a colleague or boss uses the phrase <i><b>"respectfully speaking"</b></i> it is not generally taken for face value. Instead, it is translated into a way of saying.... "I know I should respect your position" - "BUT" I don't' so here goes with what I think.<br />
<br />
<b>DO SAY</b><br />
<i><b>"I understand what you are trying to say - help me with this aspect."</b></i> I'm having trouble seeing how to get from here to there. This is an invitation to talk more deeply about beliefs or observations, it takes you out of the positional dialogue where you are going back and forth one-upping or arguing about what is right, and it invites people to be open to influence.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRSZ0t0y8vD1Qwj6nBQjqNLpgjyX_6Hc9MtxyRqbcZOPX0_gvbxaD6FoJERUbJCEzk-oe8nuapOS8WSbwH6yQeEmZiFEMK1X98aAB24uQjW5Zi0vY37OeFp53RQOknQzFJVh1L7lWHFNs/s1600/JEG+bad-boss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRSZ0t0y8vD1Qwj6nBQjqNLpgjyX_6Hc9MtxyRqbcZOPX0_gvbxaD6FoJERUbJCEzk-oe8nuapOS8WSbwH6yQeEmZiFEMK1X98aAB24uQjW5Zi0vY37OeFp53RQOknQzFJVh1L7lWHFNs/s200/JEG+bad-boss.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<b>Advocating vs. Inquiring</b><br />
<br />
In summary, when we get into conversations that make us feel adversarial. We see people in "persuasion" using high levels of Advocating (their point of view). Sometimes they are Inquiring, however, the intention behind it is to learn what the other person is thinking so you can turn the conversation back to "winning your point."<br />
<br />
<b>Sharing and Discovering</b><br />
<br />
As an alternative, "agreements" come more easily when people are open to influence, and when we get into conversations that feel like partnering. Where people share and discover from each other - and where they open the context and framework for both to gain new perspectives. Then agreements are a natural outflow. Even if you agree to disagree - it comes with the spirit of respect.<br />
<br />
If you would like to gain more insights into how to have Co-creating Conversations®, how to move from adversaries to partners, please check out my best-selling book <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/cms/node/57">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to WE-Thinking and Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a>. <br />
<br />
We are pleased to announce that we are now offering <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/cms/node/16">Co-Creating Conversations® workshops and certification courses</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><img align="left" alt=" " border="0" height="137" src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" width="103" /></a><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, an Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br />
</a></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-78422385368101513452011-01-03T16:54:00.002-05:002011-01-03T16:57:16.691-05:00Celebrating What We Have in Common<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://blog.2012pro.com/wp-content/uploads/awakening.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="159" src="http://blog.2012pro.com/wp-content/uploads/awakening.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>This year has been a very special year of global and cultural awakening.<br />
<br />
While human beings are separated by geographic boundaries, the reality is we have more in common with our far away neighbors than we often realize.<br />
<br />
<b>What we have in common is fundamental.....</b> we all have a history, or past, that shapes us. We all have our environment shaping us; and we evolve with an essence of both the power of the past and the power of the present influencing us at the same moment as we engage and connect with others to shape the future.<br />
<br />
<b>When we open our minds and hearts.....</b> we will discover we share common beliefs about what it means to be a human being in the world today.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:pu4bEAO1a0fUDM:http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww349/UrWurstNiteMare666/Commonbelief.jpg&t=1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="125" src="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:pu4bEAO1a0fUDM:http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww349/UrWurstNiteMare666/Commonbelief.jpg&t=1" width="400" /></a></div><br />
As we focus on what we have in common, this act of connectivity will bring us closer rather than push us away from others. The wisdom of connectivity is true whether we choose to connect to people who are in our own back yard, or choose to connect with those who are thousands and thousands of miles away.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;">To welcome in the New Year and celebrate what we have in common... please take a moment and view this mesmerizing video... </span>Bobby McFerrin uses global audiences to demonstrate a natural sense of shared understanding and connectivity that moves beyond individual interpretations and centers on what 'we instinctively know to be true.'<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ne6tB2KiZuk?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<br />
Hope you enjoy watching our Vital Instincts™ in Action... <b>The Pentatonic Scales</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.your-personal-singing-guide.com/images/Pentatonic-Scale-Structure.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://www.your-personal-singing-guide.com/images/Pentatonic-Scale-Structure.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><u><b><br />
</b></u><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><u><b>Notes about Pentatonic Scales: </b></u></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Source - Wikipedia</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">A pentatonic scale is a musical scale with five notes per octave in contrast to a heptatonic (seven note) scale such as the major scale. Pentatonic scales are very common and are found all over the world, including Celtic folk music, Hungarian folk music, West African music, African-American spirituals, American folk music, Jazz, American blues music and rock music, Sami joik singing, children's songs, the music of ancient Greece and the Greek traditional music and songs from Epirus, Northwest Greece and the music of Southern Albania, the tuning of the Ethiopian krar and the Indonesian gamelan, Philippine Kulintang, melodies of Korea, Malaysia, Japan, China, India and Vietnam (including the folk music of these countries), the Andean music, the Afro-Caribbean tradition, Polish highlanders from the Tatra Mountains, and Western Classical composers such as French composer, Claude Debussy. The pentatonic scale is also used on the Great Highland Bagpipe.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">The ubiquity of pentatonic scales, specifically anhemitonic modes, can be attributed to the total lack of the most dissonant intervals between any pitches; there are neither any minor seconds (and therefore also no complementary major sevenths) nor any tritones. This means any pitches of such a scale may be played in any order or combination without clashing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><img align="left" alt=" " border="0" height="137" src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" width="103" /></a><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, an Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br />
</a></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-89297451332027877102010-11-22T00:30:00.000-05:002010-11-22T00:30:45.468-05:00Blind Spots-A Wake-up Call to Reality<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thefinancialhelpcenter.com/Galveston-Economy-Pics/Sign-RealityCheck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://www.thefinancialhelpcenter.com/Galveston-Economy-Pics/Sign-RealityCheck.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Many of us act as though we all see the same reality, yet the truth is we don't. Human Beings have cognitive biases or blind spots.<br />
<br />
Blind spots are ways that our mind becomes blocked from seeing reality as it is - blinding us from seeing the real truth about ourselves in relation to others. Once we form a conclusion, we become blind to alternatives, even if they are right in front of their eyes.<br />
<br />
Emily Pronin, a social psychologist, along with colleagues Daniel Lin and Lee Ross, at Princeton University's Department of Psychology, created the term "blind spots." The bias blind spot is named after the visual blind spot.<br />
<br />
<u><b>Passing the Ball </b></u><br />
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There is a classic experiment that demonstrates one level of blind spots that can be attributed to awareness and focused-attention. When people are instructed to count how many passes the people in white shirts make on the basketball court, they often get the number of passes correct, but fail to see the person in the black bear suit walking right in front of their eyes. Hard to believe but true!<br />
<br />
<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ahg6qcgoay4?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ahg6qcgoay4?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Take awareness test!</b></span></div><br />
<u><b>Blind Spots & Denial</b></u><br />
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However, the story of blind spots gets more interesting when we factor in our cognitive biases that come from our social needs to look good in the eyes of others.<br />
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When people operate with blind spots, coupled with a strong ego, they often refuse to adjust their course even in the face of opposition from trusted advisors, or incontrovertible evidence to the contrary.<br />
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Two well-known examples of blind spots are Henry Ford and A&P. Ford's success with the Model-T blinded him to the desires of his customers, and gave the fledging General Motors an opportunity to capture a winning share of the automobile market with a broader range of models and options. And the executives at A&P stuck with the grocery chain's private label products even as their customers defected en masse to supermarkets that carried the national brands they saw advertised on TV.<br />
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<u><b>Recovery</b></u><br />
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The good news is that companies can recover from denial; even when they seem permanently wedded to their histories, their philosophies, or their belief systems. IBM, which had gotten caught up in its own "bureau-pathology," learned to conquer arrogance and overcome its history and culture, under the leadership of Louis Gerstner.<br />
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Intel, DuPont, and Coca-Cola, are more examples of corporations caught in denial traps when launching new products. They demonstrated that when corporate management has strong convictions, or worse yet hubris about their points of view, they can become blind to their customer's needs - needs that are right in front of their very eyes.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pollsb.com/photos/o/362092-believe_truth_eventually_wins_out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="117" src="http://www.pollsb.com/photos/o/362092-believe_truth_eventually_wins_out.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Seeing the real truth is an art and a science. When we get the balance right between what we think is true and what is really true - we are managing our blind spots with integrity, and wisdom.<br />
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Fortunately, these well-known brands did not live in denial very long. It was only a passing phase, and they recovered from it by revisiting reality with an open mind. Blind spots explain why the "smartest people in the room" (as Enron's top executives were famously called) can sometimes be very dumb. They do not see the light - they are not open to changing their minds.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Power of Coaching to Dissolve Blind Spots</u></b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/photos/openmind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/photos/openmind.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
Denial and Blind spots are one of the primary reasons why Executive Coaching is so vital for leaders, and why peer coaching is equally important for employees to practice. Coaching can effectively uncover and deal with blind spots and denial and give the decision-makers a fresh perspective on how to handle executive challenges.<br />
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Coaching can also help individuals gain a broader and more 'realistic perspective' about situations and themselves. Executive, Team and Organizational Coaching can help leaders calibrate with the world around them, giving them reality checkpoints that position them to navigate the real world with wisdom and insight.<br />
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From time to time, we all need a wake-up call to be sure that we do not allow ourselves to confuse our denial maps with the actual territory.<br />
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<u><b>Check Yourself</b></u><br />
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Here are 7 Common Blind spots: <br />
<ol><li><b>Denial of Reality -</b> Feeling so strong about our own beliefs that we deny the beliefs of others, or deny facts right in front of our eyes. </li>
<li><b>Control -</b> Seeing ourselves as being more responsible for things than we actually are, or having more control over things and events than we truly do.</li>
<li><b>Made-Up Memories -</b> Making decisions based on memories that did not happen. Often we confuse our imaginations, or our dreams, with reality. </li>
<li><b>Reality Distortions -</b> Distorting reality to conform to preconceptions.</li>
<li><b>Know it All -</b> Thinking that we know more than what we really do. (We simply don't know what we don't know.)</li>
<li><b>Listening Only to Validate What We Know - </b> Failure to listen to others.</li>
<li><b>Undervaluing What We Do Know -</b> Listening too much to others, and allowing others' beliefs to talk us out of our beliefs; or in some cases cause us not to trust our instincts.</li>
</ol><u><b>Neuro-tips: Removing Blind Spots </b></u><br />
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<b>Tip #1 - It Takes Thought to Learn</b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvsqC5WNjpX184H5hrlaY94kI9JiqARCcovWesaQLFbx5QtHvl2SaSvz8d_Kpn0JVFFzCoQuPi4bBZdrSw4R7GAGh7PyfKwmsW5LFN38pWPBsMzvn01Cf2wA5gimLgkCXgKR39puKMuj2P/s400/brain_mind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvsqC5WNjpX184H5hrlaY94kI9JiqARCcovWesaQLFbx5QtHvl2SaSvz8d_Kpn0JVFFzCoQuPi4bBZdrSw4R7GAGh7PyfKwmsW5LFN38pWPBsMzvn01Cf2wA5gimLgkCXgKR39puKMuj2P/s200/brain_mind.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
The brain does not always allow us to hear all the facts if they do not fit our prior understanding of a concept. To learn new facts, you must be actively open to accepting opposition.<br />
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<b>Tip #2 - Effectively Working Together</b><br />
Partners who were considered controlling were perceived as critical and rude, and their advice was generally rejected and not trusted. When the same partners showed appreciation, a feeling of rapport and trust developed, creating a deep 'WE-centric' bond.Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-52224557636554135982010-09-20T12:18:00.004-04:002010-09-20T12:31:03.179-04:00Meaningful Communication Prevents Fear<span style="font-size: small;"><b>NEURO-TIP: </b>Successful communication has the ability to meld minds through the experience of <i><a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/107/32/14425.full">neural coupling</a></i>, which is experienced when the listener’s brain mirrors the activity of the speaker’ brain.*</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtxGG-cGCvTR2OgjUuadE80rzTsk1evNWs-gX25vAe9zZna8qISSii9ohA3aKYgn0tWkhG5Hn2J-qewxqSiHMbFkd5Kb4Tw33JUO3fKqsbBDEBAP4YfLJ7f7OsnV3kRTyLlIl0B8wwBFo/s1600/coaching+is+vital.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtxGG-cGCvTR2OgjUuadE80rzTsk1evNWs-gX25vAe9zZna8qISSii9ohA3aKYgn0tWkhG5Hn2J-qewxqSiHMbFkd5Kb4Tw33JUO3fKqsbBDEBAP4YfLJ7f7OsnV3kRTyLlIl0B8wwBFo/s200/coaching+is+vital.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: small;">As you step up into higher levels of leadership, the challenges undoubtedly multiply. One of the most significant challenges will be managing the increase in the number of interactions and new relationships that come with leading a larger team of say 100 to even 1,000. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Staying connected and sustaining relationships while driving for results across a growing employee base is a hurdle, but it must be jumped to successfully hit the ground running as an influential leader in any company. Taking the time for personal interactions with employees is how good leaders of the past became great leaders in history. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">It is a leader’s thoughtful interactions with their team that will create an environment balanced with both personal communication and results driven communication; this is ultimately at the heart of being a “<i>humanizing leader</i>.” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">It’s amazing how often I find leaders trapped into thinking the higher they go up the corporate ladder, the tougher they need to be. Ironically, the opposite is actually true.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">As leadership titles get bigger – from director to VP to EVP to CEO – they increase in the weight they carry, which is also known as <i>positional power</i> (discussed further in <a href="http://juditheglaser.blogspot.com/2008/03/effective-leadership-skills.html">this older post</a>). As a result of this growth, the members of the leader’s team tend to refrain from healthy push back and from challenging his/her authority. To offset these sorts of problems associated with <i>positional power</i>, leaders need to thoughtfully connect with their employees at a more personal level and encourage open and honest conversation.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">These are a few identifiers that may help you evaluate if your employees fear your positional power:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-size: small;">Perpetual deference to your authority</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Fear of speaking up</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Avoiding talking about challenges and difficult issues – fear of disappointing the boss</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-size: small;"><b><br />
Ask Yourself where You Stand</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">How can you build an environment where people feel safe to speak up, to challenge issues together, and to put difficult conversations on the table? How can you create an environment that thrives on the humanity?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Practices for yourself:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-size: small;">Remember that relationships are the building blocks for success</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Catch yourself criticizing people</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Make it a habit to find what can be appreciated in every person</span></li>
</ul><ul></ul><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Practices with your staff:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-size: small;">Point out things people are doing well</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Cultivate an environment that’s safe for people to speak honestly and openly with one another</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Be specific about what you’re giving others feedback on</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Be timely with your feedback, and sensitive to its impact</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;">Give coaching in private</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Biological Sciences - Neuroscience - Social Sciences - Psychological and Cognitive Sciences:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">· Greg J. Stephens, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">· Lauren J. Silbert, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">· and Uri Hasson</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Speaker–listener neural coupling underlies successful communication PNAS 2010 107 (32) 14425-14430; published ahead of print July 26, 2010, doi:10.1073/pnas.1008662107</span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-48402469353319771542010-09-16T20:47:00.002-04:002010-09-17T12:30:31.613-04:00How is Your World Labeled?<div>I was destined to be a child psychologist. I did my Research Fellowship in Child Development and was heading into a Ph.D. program in Human Behavior and Development - and then I had a change of mind. </div><div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3TazBNBV0XBwFx5dbMaWCFZAkDW91huaIwBlmHrgExGNz9SRABP31jbAvlKwu2k0Yv-vwDqW2yjGyJgE3ypx4Eud0_uWjBHLt8abbBla7aZXjOXOk6hMj-WbG-50QVNV3-5q0BSXkP0s/s1600/Benchmark+lables.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="100" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3TazBNBV0XBwFx5dbMaWCFZAkDW91huaIwBlmHrgExGNz9SRABP31jbAvlKwu2k0Yv-vwDqW2yjGyJgE3ypx4Eud0_uWjBHLt8abbBla7aZXjOXOk6hMj-WbG-50QVNV3-5q0BSXkP0s/s200/Benchmark+lables.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I lived in Kansas at the time, and my husband Rich was getting his Ph.D. in Medicinal, Bio and Pharmaceutical Chemistry - and I took a job at the Bess Stone Center, a Center for Mentally Disabled Adults. On my first day at work, I was introduced to Larry, a 24-year-old mentally challenged adult. He was very tall and thin. Perhaps the most striking feature of his appearance was the wide suspenders that held up his pants. His teeth protruded and his head was over-sized. </div><div><br />
<div>"His name is Larry," Mary Jean said to me. "He is 24 but has the mind of a 2-year-old." He doesn't talk. He just grunts. As she spoke those words, his head tilted, and I immediately knew he understood her harsh words. Larry looked different, and even though his outward appearance was unusual; I was about to learn that there was much wisdom beneath his surface. </div><br />
<div>Larry, who did not possess the ability to communicate through words, put his talents to work. He made an invention by inserting the 'foil' from the inside of a ketchup bottle top into a clothespin. Larry could gaze into the small foil 'rear view mirror' for a fully encompassing view of the world. He used his invention to watch the man who came to polish our floors once a week. Larry watched the up-and-down motion in his 'rear-view' mirror, and once his mind mapped the rhythm he was able to imitate floor polishing even when the polisher was not there. </div><br />
<div>I asked him if he wanted to 'try it' and sure enough, Larry polished the floors everyday and became the best floor polishers ever. Then he took me outside and motioned with his arms that he wanted to polish the grass. After it clicked in, I realized he wanted to transfer his new found skills to learn to mow the grass. And he did. He became the best grass mower we had ever seen! </div><br />
<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPlhueeyL8_fQd2x2hQkVeWxTFR-fvvGSQaw57faY-kF0M8uJKJhPwwsjYN1UFxIShWrqisVD7-VA06ampvVxyJZ9bvjLxRyYMGgE6a-2zWXhNx6-yyFyG_ARpYOpjpgY1dw_FPIk9v1c/s1600/Benchmark+WWYA+image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPlhueeyL8_fQd2x2hQkVeWxTFR-fvvGSQaw57faY-kF0M8uJKJhPwwsjYN1UFxIShWrqisVD7-VA06ampvVxyJZ9bvjLxRyYMGgE6a-2zWXhNx6-yyFyG_ARpYOpjpgY1dw_FPIk9v1c/s200/Benchmark+WWYA+image.jpg" width="198" /></a></div>Larry's energy and passion for learning became contagious. Soon enough, everyone at the Bess Stone Center became alive in a new way. Bertha wanted to play the piano, and she did, in her own way. Albert wanted to have 'money in his pocket' and so Mary Jean gave him money to carry to the store for food shopping. Mark wanted to build a house, and so we gave him some wood to build a miniature house which upon its completion was donated by the Bess Stone Center to its 'sister home' for mentally disabled children. The local newspaper heard about the change at Bess Stone and wrote a feature story, which greatly inspired our small town in Kansas. </div><div></div><div><div><br />
Larry taught me about trust. Rather than see him as a 'retarded adult' with no capabilities to do much of anything, I saw him as a whole, creative human being. At the movement of contact, I experienced him as someone special, someone I wanted to get to know and understand, and someone of value. Larry changed my life. He was one of the reasons I wanted to understand more about how our minds work, how our brains work, and why we do what we do.</div><div></div><span style="font-weight: bold;">Music to Your Ears</span><br />
<br />
<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsPXqsgLqegpn6-KYutu2hrU1P1DHbvO39xlyIb_uxTTXb2odobX4cTrtOzqCWYnpgrUZe2oldDDGyXoRYv7kByU1iyysjZSNtkGENZedqfRK0RsxvmuPx2ZiVjSX3rMi-2cXNzD2QMt4/s1600/Benchmark+man+play+violin.htm" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsPXqsgLqegpn6-KYutu2hrU1P1DHbvO39xlyIb_uxTTXb2odobX4cTrtOzqCWYnpgrUZe2oldDDGyXoRYv7kByU1iyysjZSNtkGENZedqfRK0RsxvmuPx2ZiVjSX3rMi-2cXNzD2QMt4/s320/Benchmark+man+play+violin.htm" /></a></div><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">We can acquire wisdom from everyone. </span>A man sat at a Metro station in Washington, D.C. and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.</div><br />
<div>Three minutes went by and a middle-aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried on to meet his schedule.</div><br />
<div>A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw money into the till and without stopping, continued to walk.</div><br />
<div>A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly, he was late for work. </div><br />
<div>The one who paid the most attention was a 3-year-old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped and looked at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. Several other children repeated this action, yet all the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.</div><br />
<div>In the 45 minutes the musician played, only six people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition. </div><br />
<div>No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.</div><br />
<div>Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston, and the seats averaged $100.</div><br />
<div>This is a real story. Joshua Bell played incognito in the Metro station and was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. </div><br />
<div>Think about the labels that frame your world - narrow your appreciation, and stop you from seeing others through a lens of their strengths. </div><div><ul><li>How do labels influence you?</li>
<li>What do you perceive and why?</li>
<li>Do you stop to appreciate what is going on around you?</li>
<li>What blinds you? What influences your sense of reality?</li>
<li>Do you recognize the talents of others in an unexpected context?</li>
</ul></div></div></div><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><img align="left" alt=" " border="0" height="137" src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" width="103" /></a><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, an Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br />
</a></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-5863027536885126602010-09-01T10:28:00.001-04:002010-09-01T10:33:24.595-04:00Set the Context for CommunityNEURO-TIP: When we say ‘no’ or reject people, our bodies go into self-defense, turning on our proactive-disengagement system, but when we say ‘yes’, our bodies turn on the social engagement system that connects us to others.*<br />
<br />
As you reflect on the condition of your organization’s culture, you must understand the dynamic tension between protecting what you have and creating what you aspire to have. Understanding the pushes and pulls of these tensions gives you a better handle on driving energy in positive ways and reducing the negative pull of downward spirals. <br />
<br />
Consider the following 'I' vs. 'WE' behaviors that might be holding back your organization from becoming what you know it can be:<br />
<br />
I-Centric <br />
Exclusive: Power-over<br />
1. Only talk to those one level up; corner office; get my coffee<br />
2. Senior executives own the strategy; information kept close to the vest<br />
3. Using status to impress; keep the distance<br />
4. Exclusion; closed doors<br />
5. Lack of respect<br />
<br />
WE-Centric<br />
Inclusive: Power-with<br />
1. Senior executives discuss the strategy with employees<br />
2. Information about company’s health, wealth and business strategy shared with employees<br />
3. Employees included in change process; involved, engaged, empowered<br />
4. Inclusion, open door policy<br />
5. Respect abounds<br />
<br />
To shift an organization from exclusion to inclusion, a leader must be willing to help people understand the direction of the company and how to be a part of creating success. Discourage “we-they” thinking. <br />
<br />
Help reduce your co-workers fear and stress caused by exclusion by cultivating an inclusive work environment. Set a positive and inclusive tone and help people feel that they are all working together toward common goals and strategies. Create a sense of “WE are all in this together.”<br />
<br />
How does your company fair on the inclusion/exclusion spectrum? What are the practices that are holding back company progress without you even realizing it? <br />
<br />
<br />
*Neuro-tip Source:<br />
Receptive-Reactive State of Being <br />
Mindsight<br />
Researcher: Daniel Siegl, MD <br />
July 2010Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-87387778133736792722010-08-24T17:22:00.000-04:002010-08-24T17:22:14.461-04:00An Approach Whose Time Has ComeNEURO-TIP: Stress early in life can have damaging effects on our ability to manage stress as adults.*<br />
<br />
We are experiencing unprecedented changes in the world. Businesses and our global communities are more challenged than ever before. It feels like there has been a sudden and profound interruption in business continuity. I call this The Edge.<br />
<br />
At the edge-our moments of greatest challenge-we often feel like we are losing control, and we are unable to see a clear path to success. It’s a crossroads we arrive at when we are faced with decisions too difficult to make alone, when our resources are few, and our old approaches no longer produce results that yield success. <br />
<br />
At the edge, we can turn away from others and try to handle the challenges from our own vantage point, or we can turn to others for help. <br />
<br />
I-centric leadership suggests that a leader should have the answers and direct and guide the organization to solutions. I-centric leaders expect solutions to come from the top of the organization and be given to the employees for implementation. <br />
<br />
We-centric leadership says that a leader doesn't have all the answers, and therefore needs to learn how to involve the entire organization in successfully coming up with the strategies for success. I call this new inclusive approach "WE-Centric" Leadership.<br />
<br />
More than ever before, we need to understand how to Create WE. A central premise behind Creating WE is that an organization's ability to get to its next level of greatness is determined by the climate of the culture, which is determined by the quality of the relationships. The quality of relationships is determined by the quality of conversations. <br />
Conversations connect one person to another – one team to another. When negativity, lack of trust, fear, dictating and focus on the past are the “reality of our conversations” they: <br />
<br />
- insidiously eat away at our heart and soul,<br />
- limit our access to new wisdom and knowledge,<br />
- close down our access to our spirit and passion, <br />
- interrupt the catalytic nature of positive relationships, and <br />
- block the serendipity of new encounters.<br />
<br />
Setting a positive tone in our conversations enables us to connect with others at deep levels not always visible to the human eye. The more our interactions are trusting, and positive and supportive of courage-taking acts, and the more we live in the present rather than the past, the greater are our chances of tapping the most incredible and powerful energy we have to create the next generation innovation - which is a "WE" phenomena. <br />
<br />
Creating WE goes to the root of the problem, showing how self-centered, unimaginative, non-collaborative “I-centric” work environments cause “territorialism” to form in the workplace, dooming companies to failure. <br />
<br />
On the larger socio-political stage, Creating WE provides a new way of approaching conflict, collaboration and co-creation that has the power to unlock the “genetic code” for positive human dynamics – turning fear into optimism and "power-over" into "power-with." <br />
<br />
How much unnecessary stress are you creating in your workplace? How can you instead contribute to a more "WE-centric" work environment?<br />
<br />
*Stress endured early in life can influence the quality of physical and mental health in adulthood, such as by causing hormonal alterations associated with mood and cognitive disorders. But until now, scientists did not understand the mechanism by which early life experiences can produce such long-lasting effects. According to a common hypothesis, the environment affects mental heath by causing alterations to the physical properties of the genome that influence gene expression -- the epigenome. Indeed, research suggests that DNA methylation, one of the most intensely studied forms of epigenetics, may explain why maternal care has a long-term influence on behavior and hormones. <br />
<br />
http://www.the-scientist.com/blog/display/56139/ <br />
<br />
Neuro-tip Source: <br />
Stress & Epigenetic Changes <br />
The Scientist Researchers: molecular biologists Chris Murgatroyd and Dietmar Spengler of the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry <http: english="" index.html="" institutechoice="" institutesprojectsfacilities="" psychiatrie="" www.mpg.de=""> in Germany November 2009 <br />
</http:>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-1890933236952765482010-06-13T11:42:00.003-04:002010-06-13T13:56:36.410-04:00The World is Getting Smaller<a href="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/109.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/109.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 194px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 290px;" /></a>This month I had the incredible opportunity to speak in Dubai to an audience of over 450 people for the 9th HR Conference put on by Etisalat Academy, the largest single-source provider of training and development solutions in the Middle East.<br />
<br />
<img alt="" src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Donna/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.png" />The attendees included hundreds of forward thinking HR Executives, who wanted to learn more about how HR can take the lead in supporting the C-suite in creating alignment and transformation in their businesses. In addition, in the audience was almost 100 Senior Executives, who were eager to step up and partner with HR. In the front row, there were eight high level diplomats - some of the top people ruling Dubai, who wanted to know 'what was new and groundbreaking.'<br />
<br />
As it turned out, the original keynote speaker took ill - I became the opening keynote. Fortunately, my topic - The Alignment Journey - was a perfect set up for the other speakers who covered topics from Innovation and Creativity, to Social Learning, Filling the Pipeline and Pro-activity.<br />
<br />
The city of Dubai is everything you see in magazines and on TV. I called it <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Miami on stero</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">ids </span>when I first saw it in daylight after my 16-hour flight. Its skyline, created by the world's best architects - is magnificent.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Minds Wide Open</span><br />
<br />
The conference was in a spectacular hotel located on the Palms, another real estate phenomenon. The audience was eager to listen, and I was ready to share my ideas and frameworks. The interpreter sat in the back of the room in a small booth. Half of the audience understood English; the rest listened through the headsets provided.<br />
<br />
My talk contained ideas about a 'new normal' that is emerging around the world. "We are at a time of great change, and the world is discovering we are all connected. Creating environments for candid and caring conversations to take place is essential for all leaders, all countries, and for the world to experience and create shared success."<br />
<br />
I talked about the Neuroscience of WE, and the Wisdom of the <a href="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/107.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/107.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 157px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 213px;" /></a>Five Brains, and how we are connected through conversations. I introduced the notion of "I-centric" and "WE-centric" leadership. This struck a cord, which I learned later was because many of the concepts about the power of the heart, lie deep inside of the Koran. I stepped into a new world of dialogue and conversation - an intersection of business, science and religion - in an auditorium with strangers eager to hear and learn what is fresh and provocative and worthy of discussion...<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Turning Doubt into Understanding</span><br />
<br />
During my keynote, one of the Sheiks in the front row raised his hand and asked if I could 'roll back my slides.' He realized I was presenting some new ideas and he wanted to understand the true depth of my comments. He wanted to delve deeper into the distinctions between an "I-centric" and a "WE-centric" leader.<br />
<br />
He asked about how I defined "I and WE" and he wanted to know what was good and what was not good about I-centric and WE-centric. He asked out of curiosity, and eagerness to learn, not in a challenging or judgmental way. We were in a dialogue with 450 people listening. I had no idea how important our sharing of ideas was until much later.<br />
<br />
I said that when leader's derail - and when their companies start to fail, it's when the leader makes themselves the center of the universe and the dynamics within the organization become all about pleasing the boss. However, when it's "WE-centric" - the company mission and the relationship with their customer become the center of the universe - all work together to achieve outrageous goals. Winning takes on a new definition - and the profits follow. The room was silent - heads were bobbing in agreement - something I will never forget.<br />
<br />
We talked a lot about 'having a voice' - and how hierarchy and fear of authority can cause people to feel afraid to speak up. I talked about how important it is for leaders to set the tone, and encourage pushback. I shared that too often 'leaders are the last to know' because people are afraid of them - and so all the observations and ideas that employees might contribute get lost behind the leader's power. When this happens a company starts to disconnect from reality - denial sets in and businesses, at the extreme, go out of business.<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Transformation of Everyday Life</span><br />
<a href="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/110.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/110.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 218px; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; width: 290px;" /></a><br />
My session finished after much interaction with the audience about power, winning, neuroscience of leadership, and the human behavior behind 'why we do what we do.' During the breaks, attendees came over to tell me how thoughtful and provocative the session was. Most of all, people talked about how my session touched their heart.<br />
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What I pieced together by the session close was that I gave them a new framework to 'include their heart' in an explanation of how we connect with others - how we connect to history - how we connect to the future. While I was speaking, the audience was listening through a broader lens of history which was more steeped in strong religious beliefs than the place I was speaking from - science and business. As our two perspectives joined in a spirit of open discovery, it ignited a new way of talking about science, relations, life and the future.<br />
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After the meeting and my profound conversations with the participants - I saw Dubai in a new way. I saw the people as compassionate, intimate, open, generous of spirit and deeply willing to learn. I felt welcomed, appreciated, and understood.<br />
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<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><img align="left" alt=" " border="0" height="137" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" width="103" /></a><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, an Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br />
</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br />
<br />
READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a></span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-78741161210697292072010-03-10T16:46:00.003-05:002010-03-10T17:00:51.753-05:00New Wisdom to Think About<a track="on" href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4ryilldab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&ts=S0458&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.creatingwe.com%2F&id=preview" target="_blank"><img alt="Anger Management" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQA8Nk_5KKjt_vFEw-8JMawG_53bZrdbrpAvuwhMzUbFE6RHuZe_9guU43jAQgL0ysRkc4wss9cxv49vzjdHMA_u0OIyTmInstk_sqFshgWmJq5lR_smT3aFBOMJCml_P7QDgMRCKSW0M/s1600/anger_management_1.jpg" width="172" align="left" border="0" height="229" /></a>Conventional wisdom has suggested that it's better not to talk about negative emotions as a way of handling them. So, we turn to alternative strategies such as holding our negative emotions in (as suggested by Anger Management and Emotional Intelligence programs), suppressing them, managing them, or sharing them with others (gossip/triangulation) just to get them out.<br /><br />However, recent discoveries at neuroscience research centers are revealing how to handle negative emotions in new and healthy ways. This updated wisdom takes us down another path. Rather than suppressing or ignoring emotions, which only damages our internal healthy functioning, we need to learn to express our emotions in constructive ways. Learning how to label emotions in healthy ways has a big impact on emotions - both for the speaker and the receiver.<br /><br />Careful labeling of an emotion enables us to regulate the emotion. If the emotion is "rage" or "frustration"- labeling it causes the rage and frustration to settle down. Constructive labeling enables the speaker and listener to clarify the emotional distress. It prevents the speaker from bringing a higher emotional tone to the situation and brings a more logical frame of reference to the situation. This practice regulates the brain and provides a calming effect.<br /><br /><a track="on" href="http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=4ryilldab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&ts=S0458&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.creatingwe.com&id=preview" target="_blank"><img alt="Amygdala" src="http://jmccrackenworld.com/emotion.png" width="187" align="right" border="0" height="196" /></a>Learning how to label emotions and express our discomfort enables us to quell the fear and pain centers of the brain (amygdala) and activates our reasoning and forward-thinking centers in the brain (prefrontal cortex) where our strategic and social skills reside. Our pleasure centers are more closely linked to the prefrontal cortex, so we feel better when we come up with more effective strategies for handling our emotions and creating new strategies for the future.<br /> <br /> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Neuro-tips</span><br /><br />We are at a critical inflection point in the world today. In this WE-centric universe we need to acknowledge our vital role and responsibilities to each other on our journey. Our new WE-centric world is built on candor and caring, which expand positive powers in the world. In a WE-centric world, leaders understand that human beings are designed to be social. We either pull people toward us, or we push them away.<br /> <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Rejection =</span> pushing people away and is experienced as pain by those rejected. Compassion and caring = pulling people toward us is experienced as pleasure by those who are accepted. You can become a game-changer and shift your culture into a "WE-centric" culture by applying these neuro-tips at work.<br /> <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> NEURO-TIP #1:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Our brains are designed to be social</span><br /><br />Our brains are designed to be social. Our need for belonging is as or more powerful than our need for safety. When we are rejected, we experience pain in the same centers in the brain and body as when we break a leg. Being emotionally orphaned is more painful than death. When others show us love, respect, and honor us, it triggers the same centers in the brain as when we eat chocolate, have sex, or are on drugs. Understanding this dynamic will change how you lead.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">QUESTION:</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> Knowing that our brains are designed to be social, what Leadershift could you make in your life starting tomorrow to create greater positive connectivity with others at work?</span><br /></div> <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">NEURO-TIP #2:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">Appreciation reshapes our neural networks to give us a broader perspective of the world</span><br /><br />When we feel sad, depressed, alone, fearful and disconnected from others, our mind closes down. Messages from the amygdala say "protect" and our brains are hardwired and designed to protect us from harm. Through co-creating conversations that focus on how we can tackle our challenges and difficult situations together, we activate an appreciative mindset. Our neural chemistry changes; we 'turn off' the fear-based neuro-messages from the amygdala, and 'turn on' the brain connections that feed up into the prefrontal cortex - our 'executive brain.' We see that our 'perspective has shifted' and it's because that part of our brain - our prefrontal cortex - is now engaged.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">QUESTION:</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> Knowing that appreciation is the food that enhances the health of our brains, minds and souls, what Co-creating Conversations could you initiate tomorrow and with whom - that could shift the feel of your workplace from judging to appreciating? </span><br /></div> <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> NEURO-TIP #3:</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">We avoid what is painful; we engage in what is pleasurable</span><br /><br /> From birth, we learn to avoid physical pain and move toward physical pleasure. We learn to protect ourselves from ego pain, building habits and patterns of behavior that protect us from feeling belittled, embarrassed, or devalued.<br /><br />At work this tendency translates into avoiding a person who appears to compete with you when you speak up, to avoid a boss who sends you silent signals of disappointment. Pain can also come from what you anticipate-not from what is real. If you imagine that telling colleagues they are annoying you will lead to a fight or argument, just the thought of having that conversation will produce the social pain of being rejected or being in an uncomfortable conversation. We often avoid the conversation and hold the frustration inside. The feared implications of pain become so real for us that we turn to avoidance, since confronting a person with a difficult conversation may lead to yelling, rejection, or embarrassment.<br /><br /><div style="margin-left: 40px;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">QUESTION:</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> Knowing that avoiding others to avoid perceived pain of a difficult conversation may only create greater pain down the road, what person and what conversation could you have starting tomorrow to build greater trust and candor with a colleague?</span></div><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a></span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-92402294994455852009-12-24T22:31:00.005-05:002010-03-10T16:46:33.660-05:00Story Telling Patterns<div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >"Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Pearl Strachan, author</span></span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.narativ.com/gfx/whats_your_story_off.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 186px; height: 155px;" src="http://www.narativ.com/gfx/whats_your_story_off.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Our stories either build or break down relationships with others. At work, we interact with colleagues and hopefully create networks and build alliances. Every day in your business, there are a million interactions that will create either a positive or a negative dynamic among people. While these interactions may seem small, they begin to add up to a larger pattern. We are either spiraling up or down. We are either building a stronger sense of I or a stronger sense of WE.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Building Stories - Two Scenarios</span><br /><br />Storytelling, like the words we use, comes naturally to human beings. Stories are how we share what we are seeing, feeling, and sensing inside. Storytelling is, in essence, our view of reality.<br /><br />Storytelling begins as an I-centric capability enabling us to state and often defend our point of view. In organizational life, storytelling shapes the way we view the world individually and collectively, and it can have positive or negative consequences for the health of the enterprise. Learning how and when to shift from an 'I to a WE' perspective in the stories we tell is essential to organizational health and growth.<br /><br />We create stories based on our point of view-based on our function, our title, and our respective level in the hierarchy. "Where we sit" can determine "where we stand." Because we each see the world through our respective lenses of experience and beliefs, it's not hard to understand how colleagues engaged in different functions or operating within different environments-even within the same organization-can come to tell their stories about the enterprise from the vantage points of their own separate silos.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">IMA</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">GINE</span><br /><br />Imagine you just joined a new company in a new position, and you have been given the responsibility for achieving success. Your predecessor was unable to pull it off, so you have some extra pressure to deliver results. Imagine you accept this responsibility and start your job tomorrow.<br /><ul><li>What story are you telling yourself about this job, about your role, about what you want to accomplish?</li><li> What story are you telling the new employees who will be meeting you for the first time? Your staff? Your customers?</li></ul>Imagine the following situation, which I'll call Scenario 1. As you do your due diligence and make your assessment of the situation, you uncover concerns that you didn't see before. The talent seems to be light for the task ahead. You sense that the resource base is also light, and you realize that the job is bigger than you thought.<br /><br />The business problems also seem bigger and you can't get your arms around them. You are new and believe you are supposed to be in charge of the situation. You decide not to share your fears and worries out of concern that others will think you are not capable of being a leader or are unable to handle the challenge. How will the story you hold inside, and the story you tell outside impact the future success of the business?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Your Story:</span> The story you tell yourself in this scenario is that you need to be tough, and show confidence. Sharing your concerns will weaken your leadership, and asking for help or involvement will weaken your power.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Their Story:</span> The story your direct reports tell each other is that you are not interested in their perspectives and are a command and control leader. They band together and are fearful of what you do, lack trust in your assessments and resist your approach.<br /><br />As an alternative, let's look at Scenario 2. You come aboard, do your due diligence, and find problems are more difficult than you originally anticipated. You immediately bring your direct reports into your assessment and, with open and honest communication; you create an engagement process to build positive energy and focus. You include others in discovering new and exciting ways for building the business. In Scenario 2 you are more open and transparent with colleagues, you express your desire to create sustainable partnerships, and you are willing to coach and be coached to help yourself and others grow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Your Story:</span> The story you tell yourself in this scenario is that while you were hired to be the leader, you weren't hired to have all the answers alone.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Their Story:</span> The story your direct reports tell each other is that you are an incredibly inclusive leader who really cares about their perspective, wisdom and insight.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Telling St</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">ories</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.8thdaycenter.org/event/saPHOTOS/storyteller.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 104px; height: 162px;" src="http://www.8thdaycenter.org/event/saPHOTOS/storyteller.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />We establish our power through our stories and story telling with others. Stories shape our sense of the world, our relationships, and our future. Stories communicate our aspirations, our hopes, our intentions, and our beliefs. Most importantly, stories convey the hopes and dreams we hold in our minds about the reality we believe we are living in or want to live in.<br /><br />We tell our stories all day long. We tell them to customers, to colleagues, and to our friends and family. But the person we tell our stories to most of all is ourself.<br /><br />Human beings have the power and ability to make up dramatic stories with any conceivable ending. Our stories can portray a future full of promise and accomplishment or one that is dark and empty. It's all stuff we first make up and then come to believe. Once we believe our story, we live it out the way we visualize it in our minds.<br /><br />Like it or not, we are storytellers. Our main audience is us; and our life develops from the stories we create. In other words, if we wake up one morning to discover that our finances have been wiped out because we purchased a bad stock, our story could become that we are a loser and stupid, or we could tell a story of our ability to take risks and go after the Big One. Our stories influence how we see ourselves and how we approach the life challenges that come next. Stories can empower or dis-empower our life journey.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How are You Using Story Telling at Work?</span><br /><br />Think about the power of stories to shape your future. How are you using story telling at work? Scan and monitor your stories and reflect on how you are using stories to either lift you up or push others down. Are your stories I-centric or WE-centric?<br /><br />Are you using story telling to:<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.exedes.com/saw.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 157px; height: 158px;" src="http://www.exedes.com/saw.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><ul><li>Prove you are right?</li><li> Build stronger relationships?</li><li> Inspire people to step into new challenges?</li><li> Break from the past and create the future?</li><li> Blame others and make them bad in the eyes of others?</li><li> Build people up and make them feel great about themselves?</li></ul>Reflect on your story telling process and keep track of the themes that show up in your stories.<br /><br />In the next issues we'll talk about the neuroscience behind story telling!<br /><br />We didn't know if our ideas were strong enough of big enough, yet as we listened to each other's ideas, and became inspired by what others had to say - we did.<br /><br /><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a></span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-86006900483709869272009-12-24T20:53:00.004-05:002009-12-24T22:29:45.009-05:00Are We Really Connecting?<span style="font-weight: bold;">Rituals for 2010</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1010/758727959_beec60a15c.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 159px;" src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1010/758727959_beec60a15c.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />It's another year ending and a New Year beginning. My guess is that many of us would like this year to be a 'one of a kind,' and not something we intentionally repeat. Often actions with high emotion become patterns, which become rituals even without intention.<br /><br />So as 2009 ends and we step into a hopeful and exciting 2010, think about the rituals that you would like to hardwire into your organization, and work on rituals that build community and empathy.<br /><br />Here are some ideas of how to think about rituals. I put this together with Barbara Biziou, one of the founding members of Creating WE Institute, who is a ritual guru.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Healthy Rituals</span><br /><br />Healthy Rituals that build community bring individuals together awaken the spirit of the team, and they enable individuals to build healthy thriving relationships. In this changing and uncertain time, our relationships are more important than ever before. They become our anchors in the sea of uncertainty, and help us quell the hardwired fear centers that live inside our brain.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Power of Relationship Rituals</span><br /><br />Our research shows that if you are having an unhealthy relationship with someone in your team, the impact on you and others will be unhealthy - and the negative influence may go on for weeks, or months and spread to others on the team. When something is wrong in a relationship, the other person may tend to 'blow you off.' However, if you do have a healthy relationship with people, they will take the time to work through the difficult conversations with you. Relationship Building Rituals are the keystones to building successful business relationships at work. Connection breeds loyalty, trust and compassion.<br /><br />If we do not feel connected to others, we won't feel connected to the job; we lose motivation and become apathetic. We check out, we give up and give in, and we lose our voice, or we get angry or resistant to change.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pay A</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">ttention to the Meta Messages </span><br /><br />Why and h<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/welcome/features/20071017_Medicine_whitematter/Photos/head_and_brain.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 111px; height: 111px;" src="http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/welcome/features/20071017_Medicine_whitematter/Photos/head_and_brain.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>ow do rituals impact the brain? Rituals communicate inclusion, acceptance, and send messages to the brain, saying: "you are part of the team." These 'relational messages' are non-verbal and could account for as much as 90% of the impact you have on others.<br /><br /><br />Notice the impact: our pupils will dilate when we are interested in something. Looking at someone directly can show him or her that we care. We tend to put higher trust in and believe more in these signals than the words spoken. For example, saying, "you did a good job" while scowling and rolling your eyes sends a mixed message causing a breakdown in communication, which leads us to distrust others.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rituals You Can Experiment With: A Venting Ritual</span><br /><br />When we interact with others, conflicts may arise - that's normal. Each of us has our own ideas for what we want to make happen, and when others disagree, we can get mad, emotional, angry, upset and sometimes avoid others when we can't find a way to work through the conflict.<br /><br />There is an Ancient Ritual, which was called Stenia. The younger women got a chance to complain, and moan about what was bothering her, releasing anger and resentment they would have held onto. The 21st century version of this is called It's Okay to Vent Once a Day. Venting can be positive if it is done correctly. It releases stuck energy from the body and quiets the mind. Venting is the process of giving each other permission for venting time with others, rather than letting it go on forever. We can choose to vent for 7 seconds, 7 minutes, even 7 hours.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Releasing Emotions</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://blastfirst.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/bad-music-web.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 188px; height: 126px;" src="http://blastfirst.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/bad-music-web.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />We all have interactions with life that create emotional responses that often don't end at the time that the interaction ends. It's like striking a guitar cord. After your hand leaves the strings, the cord you've played continues to reverberate. Sour notes create music we don't like to hear, and we complain.<br /><br />Here are the steps:<br /><br />1. Establish a timeframe for venting.<br />2. Pick a partner that you totally trust to keep the information confidential.<br />3. Choose the role you want your partner to play in order to help you "work through it."<br />4. Decide if the role should be to:<br /><ul><li> Listen.</li><li> Listen for something specific.</li><li> Listen with the intention of helping you create a new strategy for reentering the relationship or situation with a fresh point of view: to re-contract, or reconnect.</li><li> Listen so you can give the person coaching-a new perspective on the situation.</li><li> Listen to help you interrupt a negative cycle you may be having and transform it into a positive cycle.</li></ul>5. Take turns so each of you have a chance to be a coach and coachee.<br />6. Ask your colleague to try different roles to see which one helps you the most.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Healthy Rituals</span><br /><br />Healthy Rituals allow individuals, teams and organizations to practice what we call "self-regulation," which doesn't mean suppression - it means 'self-expression' and that is healthy. Suppression is a form of holding in emotions - such as frustration, anger, disappointment. When we suppress, we cause a cascade of stress hormones to 'own us' - hence the term Amygdala Hijacking (Amygdala is our 'flight, fight, freeze and fear' mechanism in our older Reptilian Brain).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Creating Healthy Check Ins</span><br /><br />Check in with people to create positive rituals that meet the needs of team members.<br /><br />1. Ask for input from the members of the organization so people feel included in the rituals.<br />2. Be creative.<br />3. Listen non-judgmentally.<br />4. Be consistent, be mindful and be open to change.<br />5. Rituals can open the door to new behavior and pave the way for new business results.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Neuro-tips:</span> Rituals enable us to meet the needs of connectivity, our most profound and powerful need.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Neuro-tip #1:</span> When needs are unmet in a relationship, we become more emotional and frustrated. We become dissatisfied with the person, which over time will increase and can turn into dislike. (Shifting from friend to foe).<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Neuro-tip #2:</span> Positive mood states in one person encourage positive mood states in others. Oxytocin, a bonding hormone in men and women, is released during human contact, connecting and bonding, which reduces aggressions and increases cooperation.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Neuro-tip #3:</span> Empathy for others is expanded through community rituals. Empathy is more than a feeling; it leads us to actions. By experiencing positive community rituals, we trigger our 'mirror-neuron' systems, which are located in the parietal lobes and prefrontal cortex. Positive Rituals expand our ability to empathize with others.<br /><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a></span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-33390238711283673352009-11-30T10:40:00.003-05:002009-12-24T21:44:45.047-05:00Judith was recently interviewed by <a href="http://www.crankymiddlemanager.com/aboutwayne">Wayne Turmel</a> on the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cranky Middle Manager Show</span>. They discussed creating WE, a sense of togetherness and team, Judith's new book <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=42+Rules+for+Creating+WE&x=18&y=18">42 Rules for Creating WE</a>, Moses, Shakespeare and all kinds of management foolishness.<br /><br />Listen to the <a href="http://cmm.thepodcastnetwork.com/2009/11/22/the-cranky-middle-manager-show-216-creating-a-sense-of-we-judith-glaser/">interview</a>.<br /><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a><br />SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101836994648&p=oi">NEWSLETTER</a> </span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-16221674632599766442009-11-01T15:59:00.003-05:002009-11-01T16:10:22.477-05:00<blockquote><div style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs"</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Pearl Strachan, author</span><br /></div></blockquote><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.narativ.com/gfx/whats_your_story_off.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 168px; height: 139px;" src="http://www.narativ.com/gfx/whats_your_story_off.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Our stories either build or break down relationships with others. At work, we interact with colleagues and hopefully create networks and build alliances. Every day in your business, there are a million interactions that will create either a positive or a negative dynamic among people. While these interactions may seem small, they begin to add up to a larger pattern. We are either spiraling up or down. We are either building a stronger sense of I or a stronger sense of WE.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Building Stories - Two Scenarios</span><br /><br />Storytelling, like the words we use, comes naturally to human beings. Stories are how we share what we are seeing, feeling, and sensing inside. Storytelling is, in essence, our view of reality.<br /><br />Storytelling begins as an I-centric capability enabling us to state and often defend our point of view. In organizational life, storytelling shapes the way we view the world individually and collectively, and it can have positive or negative consequences for the health of the enterprise. Learning how and when to shift from an 'I to a WE' perspective in the stories we tell is essential to organizational health and growth.<br /><br />We create stories based on our point of view-based on our function, our title, and our respective level in the hierarchy. "Where we sit" can determine "where we stand." Because we each see the world through our respective lenses of experience and beliefs, it's not hard to understand how colleagues engaged in different functions or operating within different environments-even within the same organization-can come to tell their stories about the enterprise from the vantage points of their own separate silos.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">IMAGINE</span><br /><br />Imagine you just joined a new company in a new position, and you have been given the responsibility for achieving success. Your predecessor was unable to pull it off, so you have some extra pressure to deliver results. Imagine you accept this responsibility and start your job tomorrow.<br /><ul><li>What story are you telling yourself about this job, about your role, about what you want to accomplish?</li><li>What story are you telling the new employees who will be meeting you for the first time? Your staff? Your customers?</li></ul><br />Imagine the following situation, which I'll call Scenario 1. As you do your due diligence and make your assessment of the situation, you uncover concerns that you didn't see before. The talent seems to be light for the task ahead. You sense that the resource base is also light, and you realize that the job is bigger than you thought.<br /><br />The business problems also seem bigger and you can't get your arms around them. You are new and believe you are supposed to be in charge of the situation. You decide not to share your fears and worries out of concern that others will think you are not capable of being a leader or are unable to handle the challenge. How will the story you hold inside, and the story you tell outside impact the future success of the business?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Your Story:</span> The story you tell yourself in this scenario is that you need to be tough, and show confidence. Sharing your concerns will weaken your leadership, and asking for help or involvement will weaken your power.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Their Story:</span> The story your direct reports tell each other is that you are not interested in their perspectives and are a command and control leader. They band together and are fearful of what you do, lack trust in your assessments and resist your approach.<br /><br />As an alternative, let's look at Scenario 2. You come aboard, do your due diligence, and find problems are more difficult than you originally anticipated. You immediately bring your direct reports into your assessment and, with open and honest communication; you create an engagement process to build positive energy and focus. You include others in discovering new and exciting ways for building the business. In Scenario 2 you are more open and transparent with colleagues, you express your desire to create sustainable partnerships, and you are willing to coach and be coached to help yourself and others grow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Your Story:</span> The story you tell yourself in this scenario is that while you were hired to be the leader, you weren't hired to have all the answers alone.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Their Story:</span> The story your direct reports tell each other is that you are an incredibly inclusive leader who really cares about their perspective, wisdom and insight.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Telling Stories</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://blogs.personallifemedia.com/dishymix/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pueblo-storyteller-pottery.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 97px; height: 179px;" src="http://blogs.personallifemedia.com/dishymix/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/pueblo-storyteller-pottery.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>We establish our power through our stories and story telling with others. Stories shape our sense of the world, our relationships, and our future. Stories communicate our aspirations, our hopes, our intentions, and our beliefs. Most importantly, stories convey the hopes and dreams we hold in our minds about the reality we believe we are living in or want to live in.<br /><br />We tell our stories all day long. We tell them to customers, to colleagues, and to our friends and family. But the person we tell our stories to most of all is ourself.<br /><br />Human beings have the power and ability to make up dramatic stories with any conceivable ending. Our stories can portray a future full of promise and accomplishment or one that is dark and empty. It's all stuff we first make up and then come to believe. Once we believe our story, we live it out the way we visualize it in our minds.<br /><br />Like it or not, we are storytellers. Our main audience is us; and our life develops from the stories we create. In other words, if we wake up one morning to discover that our finances have been wiped out because we purchased a bad stock, our story could become that we are a loser and stupid, or we could tell a story of our ability to take risks and go after the Big One. Our stories influence how we see ourselves and how we approach the life challenges that come next. Stories can empower or dis-empower our life journey.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How are You Using Story Telling at Work?</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.exedes.com/saw.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 148px; height: 150px;" src="http://www.exedes.com/saw.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Think about the power of stories to shape your future. How are you using story telling at work? Scan and monitor your stories and reflect on how you are using stories to either lift you up or push others down. Are your stories I-centric or WE-centric?<br /><br />Are you using story telling to:<br /><br /><ul><li>Prove you are right?</li><li> Build stronger relationships?</li><li>Inspire people to step into new challenges?</li><li> Break from the past and create the future?</li><li> Blame others and make them bad in the eyes of others?</li><li> Build people up and make them feel great about themselves?</li></ul><br />Reflect on your story telling process and keep track of the themes that show up in your stories.<br /><br />In the next issues we'll talk about the neuroscience behind story telling!<br /><br /><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a><br />SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101836994648&p=oi">NEWSLETTER</a> </span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-79346269167979356712009-10-01T15:31:00.006-04:002009-11-01T15:59:44.095-05:0042 Rules for Creating WE' Becomes Amazon Bestseller<h1 style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">42 Rules for Creating WE' Becomes Amazon Bestseller By Offering New Approaches to Difficult Conversations</span></span></h1>On September 17th, "42 Rules for Creating WE" was one of the fastest-selling books on Amazon, having achieved sales that brought its rank to #1 in the Leadership, Management, Motivation, and Organizational Behavior categories, and the #2 fastest-selling book in any category on that day. <p>Why did this book strike such a cord? Read the <a href="http://www.examiner.com/p-405940%7E_42_Rules_for_Creating_WE__Becomes_Amazon_Bestseller_By_Offering_New_Approaches_to_Difficult_Conversations.html">press release</a>...</p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and editor and contributor of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a><br />SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101836994648&p=oi">NEWSLETTER</a> </span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-16017946471342722642009-10-01T15:03:00.002-04:002009-10-01T15:13:26.270-04:00Can I Trust You?<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 51);font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:85%;color:#666633;" >As long as we feel we are gaining, not losing, we play as WE. However, our fear is that someone will get more. The fear is always: <span style="font-style: italic;">I'll trust you and then you'll stick me in the back</span>.<br /><br /><a track="on" href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=gwzhn5cab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&ts=S0408&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com%2F&id=preview" target="_blank"><img alt="42 Rules for Creating WE" src="http://www.startupnation.com/images/pages/articles/peak-performance-02.jpg" width="180" align="left" border="0" height="135" /></a>Even though most of us value being considered a partner, the ability to work together interdependently is one of our least-developed skills. This skill is so vital that, in its absence, good leaders turn bad, good executives become ineffective, and good colleagues turn into adversaries. The skill of opening up to others - and of creating the emotional space for others to open up to us - requires deep trust. Trust is the most precious of the golden threads. Without it, there can be no WE.<br /><br />When we open up WE to include partners outside of our conventional thinking, we encompass stakeholders and allies beyond the traditional boundaries of the enterprise - including vendors, customers, and donors. We expand the way we work and how we generate value. After all these years, we are starting to see how shifting boundaries - throwing the net wider - is a way to achieve alliances in a new way. With the golden thread of trust, we can weave our lives together like a beautiful tapestry.<br /><br /><img alt="Trust me" src="http://mach1consulting.com/Uppereast/Sasabune_trust_me.jpg" width="132" align="right" border="0" height="138" />WE-centric relationships are built on trust. I trust you will not harm me, and you trust I will not harm you. When we have that level of trust we do no't feel the need to duck into protective behaviors. We automatically assume a mutual support, and we move forward from there.<br /><br />When we experience doubt about the good intentions of others, for whatever reason, we need to recognize the importance of having the kind of conversations that bring us back to trust. Creating the space for open dialogues enables us to reclaim trust with others.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5 Vital Questions</span><br /><br />There are 5 vital questions that, if not addressed on an explicit level, will be working 'behind the scenes' eroding trust at every corner.<br /><ul><li>How do I protect myself?</li><li>Who loves me, who hates me?</li><li>Where do I belong, where do I and fit in?</li><li>What do I need to learn to be successful?</li><li>How do I create value with others?</li></ul><a track="on" href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=gwzhn5cab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&ts=S0408&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com&id=preview" target="_blank"><img alt="5 questions" src="http://tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:dS1eI1wL8-eF4M:http://farm1.static.flickr.com/134/318947873_12028f1b66.jpg" align="left" border="0" /></a>As we interact with others, we are asking and answering these <span style="font-weight: bold;">5 Vital Questions</span> with every interaction. Our human communication system with others is designed to send energy out and get an answer back. As we send out these questions in the form of direct questions or indirect messages to others, we calculate our 'coordinates with others' and navigate either with them or against them. When we are seeing to understand where we stand with others, we are listening, I-centrically. Once we get these questions answered we energetically shift into a "WE-centric" relationship and trust will emerges.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Co-creating a Book is Like Giving Birth!</span><br /><br />The <span style="font-weight: bold;">5 Big Questions</span> are key to the health of a relationship, team and organization. These fundamental questions are what propelled a team of us - 18 coaches, consultants, and practitioners at the <a track="on" href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=gwzhn5cab.0.0.ycsujfcab.0&ts=S0408&p=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.creatingweinstitute.com%2F&id=preview" linktype="link" target="_blank">Creating WE Institute</a> - to do an experiment in co-creation and trust building. We decided to work on writing a book together! <br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 51); font-family: Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:85%;color:#666633;" ><img name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.104" alt="42 Rules Team" src="http://ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/104.jpg?a=1102679631558" width="350" border="0" height="101" /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span></div><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 51); font-family: Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;font-family:Verdana,Geneva,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;font-size:85%;color:#666633;" ><br />When we started our co-creating conversations, we didn't know what each other was thinking about - we trusted we would find a way to build a conversational space for our best ideas to emerge - and we did.<br /><br />We didn't know what we would do if we had conflicting ideas that would conflict, or too many ideas. We trusted we would find a way to work through it, and we did.<br /><br />We didn't know if our ideas were strong enough of big enough, yet as we listened to each other's ideas, and became inspired by what others had to say - we did.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span></span><p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>; and edited and contributed to <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Creating-hands-organizational-development/dp/1607730480/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1254424343&sr=8-1">42 Rule for Creating WE</a>, a newly published Amazon bestseller.<a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm"><br /></a></span></span></span></span></p><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a><br />SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101836994648&p=oi">NEWSLETTER</a> </span></span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-32096895427365562072009-06-29T21:39:00.005-04:002009-06-29T22:56:36.557-04:00Building our Brain Trust<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqLyTKl3dQxUs0NKFPjvOUey2j-aNOKYa1XdEF-_vcf2-0H43MNTXFQOCoLdOHer_20Ro1Lb8qK78O3d23SKWR3BRwwstSmKtDIX5u28gJz31sqAxfwhyphenhyphenC4m8Wi_BJMiMwxRR3EjmpFsA/s1600-h/Benchmark+Trust.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 189px; height: 142px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqLyTKl3dQxUs0NKFPjvOUey2j-aNOKYa1XdEF-_vcf2-0H43MNTXFQOCoLdOHer_20Ro1Lb8qK78O3d23SKWR3BRwwstSmKtDIX5u28gJz31sqAxfwhyphenhyphenC4m8Wi_BJMiMwxRR3EjmpFsA/s320/Benchmark+Trust.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5352929881216607346" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Building Trust Takes Commitment</span><br /><br />Too often, we see management and employees as separate. In reality, both are part of a larger system of colleagues working together to create positive business results. The challenge for you as a leader and as a colleague is to understand how to create "mutual trust" through the way you communicate with colleagues every day.<br /><br />Our ability to communicate openly, with candor and caring, determines the quality of the connectivity between us as individuals, teams, or larger organizational units. While we do not always talk about our fears of speaking up candidly, we feel it. Knowing where we stand is vital to our success, and when we feel we are on the outs, it negatively impacts our performance. We start acting strangely-we protect, we hide, we defend-all because we feel we are being rejected.<br /><br />Creating the space for open and non-judgmental conversions is a WE-centric skill. As we have conversations and listen, we are able to sort out what affects our personal future and what does not. The Amygdala in our brain senses threats and tries to prevent them from harming us. It senses where we are in the pecking order, who is bigger, who is more powerful, and who is a friend or foe. This kind of subconscious listening is fundamentally I-centric by nature.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Listening I-centrically</span><br /><br />Listening I-centrically causes us to be apprehensive in our conversations with others and cautious about their intentions and motivations. One of our least-developed skills is the ability to confront another person and have a difficult conversation. As a consequence of our fear of confrontation, we reactively take on the posture of being defensive when we sense we are facing an enemy.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiyTK9hXyk81W55dlNG5tikWQcJQMZ3eEOffOGNV_uIN5OPRXO1nmHtHetRWlXFwNyirx0vxaLh7-XZ5jbfHKdFrsg6aVu6ZFf0J_tWEwqFX4z7jyosbW4cKK_9uDo97hySgCU2ohZ4JU/s1600-h/Benchmark+Difficult+Conversations.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 190px; height: 95px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiyTK9hXyk81W55dlNG5tikWQcJQMZ3eEOffOGNV_uIN5OPRXO1nmHtHetRWlXFwNyirx0vxaLh7-XZ5jbfHKdFrsg6aVu6ZFf0J_tWEwqFX4z7jyosbW4cKK_9uDo97hySgCU2ohZ4JU/s320/Benchmark+Difficult+Conversations.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5352930210955425202" border="0" /></a>Even thinking of the word "confrontation" causes our blood to boil, or our fears to rise. The word is fraught with meanings that keep us at a distance from others. The dictionary defines confrontation as "to stand over or against in a role of adversary or enemy." While the word also means "to meet or to face someone; to encounter another person," we often project onto the word all of the bad experiences we have had when we face others. Over time the word itself has become tinged with fear and apprehension.<br /><br />When we think of a "confrontation" or of having a "difficult conversation" with an associate, it takes many of us to the edge of our comfort zone, and we will do everything imaginable to avoid it.<br /><br />Having a difficult conversation scares many of us into thinking we will lose a friendship, and so we avoid confronting the truth. When we feel frustrated or angry with someone who has stood in the way of our success or undermined us and caused us to lose face-at least from our point of view-we get so upset we just can't find the words to express ourselves. We end up angry and express our most reptilian behaviors (Our Amygdala Response which is hardwired as fight, flight or freeze). Worse than that, we hold all our feelings inside until we boil up and over with frustration, and then we blast that person.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How We Connect</span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8DmQN1URWMjMWgFIBHnzCTT5LbXTLTqdSAItzInA3rgl3LlsMSolKVkUmE-kTlCatAHWD0GPpuAlqin7AsivdZKhnmIoRlmkqNipCj4Gu-hKi9EM72WXyRwkiD_jEHecGaDHfusR3luU/s1600-h/Benchmark+Leadership.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 118px; height: 131px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8DmQN1URWMjMWgFIBHnzCTT5LbXTLTqdSAItzInA3rgl3LlsMSolKVkUmE-kTlCatAHWD0GPpuAlqin7AsivdZKhnmIoRlmkqNipCj4Gu-hKi9EM72WXyRwkiD_jEHecGaDHfusR3luU/s320/Benchmark+Leadership.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5352946704302359042" border="0" /></a><br />Confronting others honestly requires that we all share mutually in building relationships, with all parties feeling the power of the exchange; these are power-with relationships. When we feel others want to own us or take our power away-a power-over relationship-we fear harm and cannot open up with honesty. If we think of our conversations as a power-over experience, it's impossible to be comfortable confronting others honestly.<br /><br />Additionally, when confronting another person brings up potentially volatile emotions, we move with caution and keep our real feelings close to our chest. In the most extreme cases, when in the midst of situations that stir up highly charged emotional content, most of the tension and drama are actually taking place in our own minds. We make up our "story", and this is how we see the world. It is our own personal drama of the confrontation, and our interpretation of our experience. Much of our frustration is coming from the words we use to tell this story to ourselves and to others.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Behind the Scenes</span><br /><br />Behind the scenes is the reality of the confrontation challenge:<br /><br /><ul><li>How do we communicate with each other when we feel we are being excluded?</li><li>How do we deal with others in a way that builds relationships rather than erodes them?</li><li>How do we masterfully keep ourselves in a state of openness, with our assumptions and inferences in check?</li></ul><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Co-creating Conversations</span><br /><br /><ul><li>Think about your workplace.</li><li> Think about your team.</li><li> What Co-creating Conversations can you introduce to create a stronger WE-centric workplace?</li></ul><br /><br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span><p><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; and the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a></span></span></span></p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a><br />SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101836994648&p=oi">NEWSLETTER</a> </span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-76767916129356065312009-05-29T13:19:00.007-04:002009-05-29T13:29:04.520-04:00Move With Not AgainstWe interact energetically with others. We either move towards (and with) others, or we move against them. When we believe others are our adversaries, we move against them. Action - reaction, tit-for-tat, can transform them into adversaries.<br /><br />Anthropologists and biologists believe we have a tit-for-tat instinct hardwired into our DNA. In fact, this instinct is evolutionary and is found in all mammals. When someone comes at us 'mammals' in anger, this action fires fear signals in our Amygdala - a tiny organ found in the lower part of our Limbic Brain - and we move into our protection mode.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX652OxRMG2z2tdtrKV0WkW6BmJZ9xUpm8uQEY7S8FsOlywSOok5tf2GrAEUCzWt5ZJIIOiTA9z6vJ8jYt93ybTz3PzjVQqMWIGSyKx2pfN41KRIjIjplg5ZBpUxgnEKMjE4udf0Z19ok/s1600-h/Limbric+Brain.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX652OxRMG2z2tdtrKV0WkW6BmJZ9xUpm8uQEY7S8FsOlywSOok5tf2GrAEUCzWt5ZJIIOiTA9z6vJ8jYt93ybTz3PzjVQqMWIGSyKx2pfN41KRIjIjplg5ZBpUxgnEKMjE4udf0Z19ok/s400/Limbric+Brain.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341297720321819634" border="0" /></a>As soon as we see and feel the signals that someone is on the attack, we respond instinctively to protect ourselves. Some people fight back and match anger with anger, and a fight may ensue. Others may flee if they feel the anger and aggression will lead to danger, and they run away so they will not 'be eaten alive'. Others will freeze, and hope we change our minds and move on to more enticing prey.<br /><br />This dance of engagement drives all of human behavior. Psychiatrist Stuart Brown gave an incredible presentation that puts these interaction dynamics in context for us. Brown describes a meeting between an enormous 1,200-pound male Polar Bear and a female Husky. The scene is the moment of contact between the two -- the Polar Bear and Husky -- on the Hudson Bay, North of Churchill, Manitoba.<br /><br />In October and November, there is no ice on the bay, and the polar bear is in pursuit of food. On the other side of the polar bear's predatory gaze is the female Husky starring back.<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY6u8x83-LzhqD5sNaycPgX8WwdbikNQRD09W3MYXdXr8M2T1pc8wvXBVi5u7MXvBJd-F2yQfkJfRc9LuAQpKXe5ESS9hK3VRQfnabuh6t6QS7WJB_MXsMzxJjB-oolDK9IEFKnoL4kGQ/s1600-h/Benchmark+Husky+and+Polar+Bear.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 286px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY6u8x83-LzhqD5sNaycPgX8WwdbikNQRD09W3MYXdXr8M2T1pc8wvXBVi5u7MXvBJd-F2yQfkJfRc9LuAQpKXe5ESS9hK3VRQfnabuh6t6QS7WJB_MXsMzxJjB-oolDK9IEFKnoL4kGQ/s320/Benchmark+Husky+and+Polar+Bear.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341298789207881794" border="0" /></a>Then something unusual happens. Under normal circumstances, the Polar Bear's generally fixed, rigid and stereotypical behavior ends up with its making a meal of the Husky. However, this time the Husky returns the gaze with a bow and a wagging tail. The polar bear stands in front of the Husky, no claws and no fangs, and they begin an incredible ballet, a ballet of nature, with two animals in an altered state -- a state of play.<br /></div><br />This interaction was just as much part of nature as the usual battle to the death. All because of the way the Husky acted.<br /><br />What trumps what in nature? We assume power-over others gets us our way. What is our way anyway? The dance in nature we witnessed in the story of the Husky and Polar Bear is a perfect example of how human beings and all other animals communicate. We send energetic signals all the time. We test each other - as the Husky did the Bear, and we see what comes back. Our signals work like radio signals saying: "where are you" and "what do you want?"<br /><br />Our signaling system - what we send, and what we receive - alerts us to the nature of our relationship with others. We are either 'moving with others, moving against others or move away from others. Each signal generates a reaction that is hardwired in nature as the fight-or-flight syndrome.<br /><br />In our brains, we are translating these signals into labels about our power relationship to others. We are either in a power-over or a power-with other's mode of interaction. The Husky's signals to play - power-with - trumped the Polar Bear's signals to dominate - power-over - a trump that is one of nature's big surprises.<br /><br />The antidote to power-over behaviors at work is not to give back power. Rather than demanding others to step into a power-fight, instead we can request that others move into a power-with dance with us.<br /><br />Reflections & Actions to Experiment With:<br /><ul><li>Remember you have the ability to trump an adversarial offer. You can be the game changer. </li><li>Make requests not demands. </li><li>By moving towards and with others, with the intention of creating something wonderful - our adult form of play - we do create something wonderful! Try it!</li><li>Our beliefs drive our intentions, our intentions drive our actions, and our actions drive the results that we achieve with others.</li></ul><br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span><br /></span><p><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; and the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a></span></span></span></p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br />READ OUR PAST <a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">NEWSLETTERS</a><br />SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101836994648&p=oi">NEWSLETTER</a> </span></span>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-88277931472903291482009-05-02T00:09:00.006-04:002009-05-02T04:37:13.192-04:00I Want Happy Back<span style="font-weight: bold;">Emotions WE Share in Common</span><br /><br />Even young children know what feelings are - maybe even better than adults do. They watch our faces; scan for acceptance, anger, and excitement and then they respond.<br /><ul><li>Happy means: getting things we want, need and like.</li><li>Sadness means: taking away things we want, need and like.<br /></li></ul><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://libertyskillcenter.com/App_Themes%5CLSCTheme%5CImages%5CHappySad.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 317px; height: 160px;" src="http://libertyskillcenter.com/App_Themes%5CLSCTheme%5CImages%5CHappySad.JPG" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Happy and sad are universal emotional responses, which are instinctual - they are hardwired into our cells. I even believe many animals have these responses. I call these emotional responses Vital Instincts.<br /><br />Both sad and happy are emotions everyone experiences. No one has to teach us these emotions. We may differ on what makes us happy or sad. However we both experience these emotions.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">I Want Happy Back ...</span><br /><br />When my grandson, Gideon, was 3 and a half, he ran across the living room to get to a couch he wanted to play on. You could see the look on his face as he scooted across the room. He was in pure ecstasy envisioning how he was going to tumble into the huge fluffy cushions on the sofa and jump around on the fluffy pillows.<br /><br />On the way he fell, and the look of joy and happiness disappeared and was replaced by tears and sadness. Becky, my daughter saw the fall and went to help him get up and wipe his tears. She was all prepared to hug him and kiss him and make him feel better.<br /><br />"Are you okay"? She asked as she reached out to comfort him. Now whimpering a bit Gideon was looking like he was pulling himself together. Becky looked him in the eyes again and said, "Are you okay?" Gideon wiped his eyes and said, "I'm okay, I'm okay. I just want 'happy back."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipdA7ueZcjvUZmonYIPRYqRKvjErj_6hAqAvf4oAT9OU0IKoYZN__YsKvu2XHVUAJUJgkHScvoO5_M1VOfrgL2PHFOA669HTNCHScsSavu8Kt_lwpYNtksZ6p72qAliBNzi77d4NA7rZQ/s1600-h/Benchmark+Happy+Back.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 301px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipdA7ueZcjvUZmonYIPRYqRKvjErj_6hAqAvf4oAT9OU0IKoYZN__YsKvu2XHVUAJUJgkHScvoO5_M1VOfrgL2PHFOA669HTNCHScsSavu8Kt_lwpYNtksZ6p72qAliBNzi77d4NA7rZQ/s400/Benchmark+Happy+Back.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5331076631484945122" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Happy Biochemistry</span><br /><br />We all know when 'happy disappears' and we all know when happy is back. Happy makes us feel really good about the world, about ourselves, about the future. Happy is optimistic, while sad is pessimistic. Every culture has a happy and a sad.<br /><br />Gideon reminded me of the simple yet so important nature of life. When we are happy we experience life as an unfolding, positive story in our life. Our biochemistry is 'happy' - our fear levels are down and our ability to reach out to others in our world an experiment goes up. Our interactions with others are positive and engaging - happy people can shift the chemistry in a room, lifting spirits and energy in seconds.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Heart Meter</span><br /><br />At Benchmark, our Creating WE Institute has been researching 'happy and sad' as part of our study of the Neuroscience of WE and we are working with biofeedback tools that can measure 'happy' and 'sad' through the way our hearts beat.<br /><br />Last week I visited my daughter and her family. Truth be told, my 'stress' was high, and I was having trouble finding 'happy.'<br /><br />I got an idea. I thought, "What if I show Gideon how to use the tools - might we both have fun 'finding happy together.' Lo and behold something miraculous happened.<br /><br />The first day, Gideon could move from 'red' to 'green' quite quickly - in fact, much faster than I did.<br /><br />As we worked together he told me, "If you try too hard, you can't bring happy back!" Well, he was right. My stress and my trying too hard had become a hardwired pattern that I had not seen. The harder I tried, the redder the light became. The more I learned how to shift from my head to my heart, the more a green glow appeared.<br /><br />Gideon fell in love with the process. The next morning he came into the room where I was working and sat next to me. He connected the clip to my ear and turned it on. He put his little arm around my shoulder and snuggled next to me every so sweetly and said, "Mama Judy, let's bring happy back!"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wisdom from the Heart </span><br /><br />Gideon taught me happy is something that I can use for the rest of my life... and luckily he's learning early. He also told me when you 'try too hard' and 'focus too much' you can't find Happy. He also reminded me the importance of snuggling and cuddling - happy is more than a solo event ...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-wwxK2Q4_X5A4Fppuvvt2WE2TvRZr3ejQL1bmoatCQkd-9L0IXxGKwkMwhUicgkbJ83kJ_d5pVcLqCkuwewfBVlY-oKjxKgN73UV45JIvPlN_CT6tW8hqE4Dsoldsoeg2mjyHLTMhNvg/s1600-h/Judith+Book+Image.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-wwxK2Q4_X5A4Fppuvvt2WE2TvRZr3ejQL1bmoatCQkd-9L0IXxGKwkMwhUicgkbJ83kJ_d5pVcLqCkuwewfBVlY-oKjxKgN73UV45JIvPlN_CT6tW8hqE4Dsoldsoeg2mjyHLTMhNvg/s200/Judith+Book+Image.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5317690252770465122" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Judith E. Glaser</span> is the Author of two best selling business books:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_creatingwe.htm">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_dna.htm">The DNA of Leadership</a>; and the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_ultimatepower.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a><br />Contact: 212-307-4386<br /><br /><a href="http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/archive/1101853073944.html">READ OUR PAST NEWSLETTERS</a><br /><br /><a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/manage/optin?v=001iSHr32lsdpqqIJ_rcPj7dMp0SOgzSCFI">SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR NEWSLETTER </a>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com174tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-54215908930891660512009-03-26T22:11:00.006-04:002009-03-26T22:39:05.414-04:00We are all Pattern Makers... <meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CDonna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="Edit-Time-Data" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CDonna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso"><!--[if !mso]> <style> v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} </style> <![endif]--><link rel="themeData" 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<![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapedefaults ext="edit" spidmax="1028"> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapelayout ext="edit"> <o:idmap ext="edit" data="1"> </o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 7.5pt;"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >Some of us have worked in organizations where telling others what to do is the norm. Maybe you've grown up in a family where parents lectured you about what is right and wrong, an</span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >d you've brought that skill into work.
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<br /></span><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="Barbara Annis" style="'position:absolute;margin-left:0;margin-top:0;width:120pt;height:90pt;" allowoverlap="f"> <v:imagedata src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/88.jpg?a=1102508142871"> <w:wrap type="square"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><img src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/88.jpg?a=1102508142871" alt="Barbara Annis" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.88" shapes="_x0000_s1026" width="160" align="left" border="0" height="120" /><!--[endif]--><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >Lecturing takes many forms. In some organizations, we go to me</span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >etings where people give presentations using PowerPoint. We are expected to 'talk' our stories so others know what is on our minds or what is important. We give business up</span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >dates to one another to keep one another informed. Lectures, and all the variations can become the norm. Even email and Blackberry - if out of balance wit</span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >h real talk, can become a form of lecturing at others.
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<br />Some telling is normal, but too much telling becomes hyper-lecturing making listeners tune out.</span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" > Moreover, to compound the situation, we think that because we have 'told someone what to do' they get it the way w</span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >e intended it, so we move on to the next point we want to make rather than checking back for understanding.
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<br />Telling has a place in communicating, yet this pattern can turn off and disengage our brains, our relationships and our culture from reality. It doesn't stop with the two people who are interacting. The message communicates "my way or the highway" or "do as I say," or even "status quo" which can ripple throughout a team, and organization and become the cultural norm.
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<br /><b>Tone Deaf and Blind</b>
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<br />The consequence of this pattern is that people stop really listening to one another. They become so focused on telling what is on their minds, that they become tone deaf to the cues and clues that others are sending back about the discussions on the table. The important connection between the two people becomes broken, and they lose their natural syncing, rapport and more so - their empathy for one another.
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<br /></span><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_s1027" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" style="'position:absolute;margin-left:-16pt;margin-top:0;width:24pt;height:24pt;" allowoverlap="f"> <v:imagedata src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/90.jpg?a=1102508142871"> <w:wrap type="square"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><img style="width: 116px; height: 116px;" src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/90.jpg?a=1102508142871" alt="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.90" shapes="_x0000_s1027" align="right" border="0" /><!--[endif]--><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >One-way conversations have associated neurochemistries that actually reinforce the talking-at pattern. It feels great to be self-expressed, and the more we do it the more we want to do it. Talking at others feels good. There is a feedback loop to pleasure centers in the brain, increasing our appetite, and we want more.
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<br />Yet we know from our research that every 12-18 seconds listeners stop listening. Their brains need to take a break and digest. When they are being talked at non-stop, their brains need to integrate and make sense of what is being said. Consequently they tune-out and process the information they have heard.
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<br />Lecturing has its side effects. If you are a leader and want to develop your colleague's abilities, capabilities, and performance, you need to know that lecturing rarely develops another's ability to perform better. Lecturing is a monologue, a one-way conversation.
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<br />More often than not, the lecturer does not notice that they have left the listener behind. They are so engrossed in speaking that they do not realize the listener is off on their own mental journey. One-way conversations tire the brain. We tune out and turn off. Two-way conversations allow the brain to breathe and process at the same time.
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<br /><b>Lecturing Our Way to Success</b>
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<br />Awareness of the lecturing pattern can have a dramatic impact on your life. Ask yourself the following questions and when you find the answers, create your own action plan for change. Do your experiments every day.
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<br /><b><i>Questions to Reflect On:</i></b><o:p></o:p></span></p> <ul><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >What are the communication patterns you are establishing with others? <o:p></o:p></span></li><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >Which are habits you are not aware of? <o:p></o:p></span></li><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >What is the impact of these patterns on your relationships? <o:p></o:p></span></li><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >Who has been open with you and told you that you were not communicating? <o:p></o:p></span></li><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >How did you respond to these courageous people? <o:p></o:p></span></li><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >Are you open to listening? Are you open to feedback? <o:p></o:p></span></li><li><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >Are you inviting people to share feedback with you?<o:p></o:p></span></li></ul><span style=";font-family:";font-size:10;" >
<br />Communication <b>Habit Patterns</b> are the spine of a culture. We often don't see them - yet they are the fabric that holds us together. For more insights into Habit Patterns, read <a href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102508142871&e=001DaEMLr_vkqRHT2GXApoB-A-OSPY3EQebOePfP5F6klNP-X0xsxhNESnBOjVEJPd5DnndI4rZHaxjXNtPtcinIBlFhQi6JTfl9RCZQoyx9lRSqoo8bEIyc4w8o8FfwZn2X-Q-dUylXvudWVHJm-PfLe0RZ_2EMcq_OWys5BzGzmsJTZkbabDzQA==" target="_blank" track="on" linktype="link">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to WE-Thinking and Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a></span>
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<br /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/Donna/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-32.jpg" alt="" /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-wwxK2Q4_X5A4Fppuvvt2WE2TvRZr3ejQL1bmoatCQkd-9L0IXxGKwkMwhUicgkbJ83kJ_d5pVcLqCkuwewfBVlY-oKjxKgN73UV45JIvPlN_CT6tW8hqE4Dsoldsoeg2mjyHLTMhNvg/s1600-h/Judith+Book+Image.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-wwxK2Q4_X5A4Fppuvvt2WE2TvRZr3ejQL1bmoatCQkd-9L0IXxGKwkMwhUicgkbJ83kJ_d5pVcLqCkuwewfBVlY-oKjxKgN73UV45JIvPlN_CT6tW8hqE4Dsoldsoeg2mjyHLTMhNvg/s200/Judith+Book+Image.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5317690252770465122" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Judith E. Glaser</span> is the Author of two best selling business books:
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<br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_creatingwe.htm">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_dna.htm">The DNA of Leadership</a>; and the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_ultimatepower.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a>
<br />Contact: 212-307-4386
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<br /><a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/manage/optin?v=001iSHr32lsdpqqIJ_rcPj7dMp0SOgzSCFI">SIGN UP TO RECEIVE OUR NEWSLETTER </a>Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4490883668299451474.post-24370631391500903362009-02-26T21:07:00.005-05:002009-03-26T22:11:26.724-04:00Something Happened, and It All Changed... <meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CDonna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="Edit-Time-Data" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CDonna%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_editdata.mso"><!--[if !mso]> <style> v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} </style> <![endif]--><link rel="themeData" 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Was it our parents, our teachers, or our best friends? Was it the good experiences, or the bad? Was it our genes or fate? Was it the labels or the stories about us, or both?
<br />
<br />Our stories are important. The labels we use to describe ourselves - make a difference. How we combine our labels into our stories - make a difference.
<br />
<br />Understanding how labels and stories shape our identity is vital to our growth and development.
<br />
<br />Here's a story (my story) ... See how this process works....
<br />
<br />Growing up, I loved to make things. I did a lot of crafts in school, and soon discovered I liked to knit and crochet. My teachers didn't like it, because by the time I was in junior high (a/k/a middle school), I would bring my knitting to school and do it in class. One year I made a sweater a week. That was the first time I learned I had such high achievement needs.
<br />
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href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102456555931&e=001KIVkv0c122q9rr7ogGtClwSx76co-ERdd_p9_8IpDpTVYW4sV8fYqB_ajIKODuE3TrhOewW1NxVshTqtSV_dOoji9GfodHQLT50xsEJ4zMj_UtL4tVOkxuqCbboLTDUUSZpHrekfYgE=" target=""_blank""><img style="width: 170px; height: 136px;" src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/87.jpg?a=1102456555931" alt="Sewing Machine II" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.87" shapes="_x0000_s1028" align="left" border="0" /></a><!--[endif]-->At home I started to make clothes. Not just make them. Design them. I'd buy a pattern and fabric, and then work with the basic patterns to transform them into something different and much more wonderful than what appeared on the pattern package. This is where I learned to design and to create wonderful things that didn't exist before. I loved my crafts and I loved my designing, and knew it was a part of who I was and who I would become.
<br />
<br />But not everyone saw it my way. My parents didn't understand my joy and my passion for designing. They used to say that when I worked in my room for hours at a time I was 'escaping reality' and was 'living in a fantasy world.' They saw this as bad and wrong, and even when I wore my beautiful designs, I knew they still labeled me as 'escaping reality'.
<br />
<br />Over time, I assumed my role in the family. I was the rebel and outcast. I didn't feel appreciated for what I was or who I was becoming. In my reaction to the labels, I challenged authority - especially parental authority - learning more about ways one child could get punished than most would ever want to know. Now I see, looking back, why I have such a need to understand positive psychology, and appreciative inquiry. The good can come from the bad.
<br />
<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Things That Stick</span>
<br />
<br />Being labeled an outcast, or a problem child sticks really hard, as all pejorative labels do. When parents - or teachers - or bosses label us judgmentally, negatively, or harshly it sticks. It doesn't roll off our backs so easily. Negative labels actually create the same reaction in the brain as when we break a leg, except social pain stays longer, and takes longer to go away. It stays around and we ruminate on it, we build stories around it, and others build stories around it. The gossip mills are filled with larger than life stories that started with one person labeling another person harshly.
<br />
<br />Until I was 16, I was the outcast and rebel. I got into lots of trouble, and got punished regularly. I didn't see my future as quite rosy or bright. While I wanted to be a designer, or an author or artist (had I the talent), my parents saw my future as schoolteacher or mother, summers off, raise the kids, stay home. Being an artist or designer was like being a beatnik or bum.
<br />
<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Then it all changed...</span>
<br />
<br />One Friday night, my dad, who was a dentist, brought home a patient to join us for Friday night dinner. This patient was special. It turns out, she was Claude Reins wife, the wife of a famous actor; but she didn't treat us different, and we didn't treat her differently. We just enjoyed her enjoying us.
<br />
<br />To tell the truth, that dinner was more than a dinner; not at all because she was famous. It was the conversation we had that night. I still remember where I sat, and what she said.
<br />
<br />"Judy, what are you going to do after graduation?" She asked. My eyes opened wide, my heart started to beat. It was the horrible question that everyone asked me, that I didn't yet know how to answer. I knew what I liked, and knew what I loved, but these things were labeled bad.
<br />
<br />"I'm not sure yet," I told her. "I'll figure it out." Thinking I could move the conversation over to something else, I said, "Could someone pass the potatoes." "Well, what do you like to do, she asked?" A question I didn't expect. "Well," I said quietly, "I love to design clothes." "And where do you do this designing," she asked.
<br />
<br />I looked from side to side to see if my parents were frowning with dismay. Seeing that their glares were a bit more neutral than usual, I told her that I had a room upstairs where I did my work. "Can you show me?" she asked.
<br />
<br />Before I realized it, we were climbing the stairs to my special room. I had half finished dresses hanging from the closet doors, always left ajar. This day I had more works in progress laying on the floor and others on the small sitting lounge.
<br />
<br />My sewing machine was active with a skirt in progress, things were all around, and she could set it first hand... This was my joy.
<br />
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href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102456555931&e=001KIVkv0c122q9rr7ogGtClwSx76co-ERdd_p9_8IpDpTVYW4sV8fYqB_ajIKODuE3TrhOewW1NxVshTqtSV_dOoji9GfodHQLT50xsEJ4zMj_UtL4tVOkxuqCbboLTDUUSZpHrekfYgE=" target=""_blank""><img src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/85.jpg?a=1102456555931" alt="Fashion Designer" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.85" shapes="_x0000_s1029" width="157" align="right" border="0" height="140" /></a><!--[endif]-->"Wow!" She said, "This is amazing. You are truly a designer, young lady. Show me each one at a time. I am quite impressed."
<br />
<br />I don't remember much more of our conversation, or how long it lasted. What I do remember is coming down the stairs feeling different, feeling like I was walking on a cloud, feeling so warm and good inside.
<br />
<br />"Your daughter is a fashion designer," she said. "You should be so proud of her! I would be."
<br />
<br />That was when everything changed. For the first time, the negative label just fell on the floor, like dropping a frock, and I could step into another dress that made me beautiful - mostly in my own eyes.
<br />
<br />"You should send her to Toby Coburn School of Fashion Design," she blurted out to my parents. It's the best in the city." I saw my parents blank stares back at her. They either didn't know what she was talking about - or were shocked that she adorned me with such positive praise. The conversation went on; I don't remember much more after that, except everything changed.
<br />
<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Labels - How do they help you see? What do they help you see?</span>
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eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_s1030" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="Clothing Labels" href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102456555931&e=001KIVkv0c122q9rr7ogGtClwSx76co-ERdd_p9_8IpDpTVYW4sV8fYqB_ajIKODuE3TrhOewW1NxVshTqtSV_dOoji9GfodHQLT50xsEJ4zMj_UtL4tVOkxuqCbboLTDUUSZpHrekfYgE=" target=""_blank"" style="'position:absolute;margin-left:0;" allowoverlap="f" button="t"> <v:imagedata src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/84.jpg?a=1102456555931"> <w:wrap type="square"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><a href="http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?et=1102456555931&e=001KIVkv0c122q9rr7ogGtClwSx76co-ERdd_p9_8IpDpTVYW4sV8fYqB_ajIKODuE3TrhOewW1NxVshTqtSV_dOoji9GfodHQLT50xsEJ4zMj_UtL4tVOkxuqCbboLTDUUSZpHrekfYgE=" target=""_blank""><img style="width: 126px; height: 126px;" src="http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs072/1101836994648/img/84.jpg?a=1102456555931" alt="Clothing Labels" name="ACCOUNT.IMAGE.84" shapes="_x0000_s1030" align="left" border="0" /></a><!--[endif]-->What are the labels we use with each other - with our friends, with our colleagues, or with our family? How do we see each other - define each other - think of each other? Labels give definition to our relationships. They set into place the parameters, of how we will engage - or not engage. They create blind spots - true blind spots - and cause us to look for more proof that our labels are right.
<br /><ul><li>What labels do you need to examine at work?</li><li>What labels need changing?</li><li>What would happen if you changed a label - reversed a label - or took a label away all together?</li></ul>
<br />Try it at work! Try it at home! Do your experiment, and then let me know what happens!
<br />
<br />The more we see each other in positive terms, the more we enable each person to step into their most positive self. The more we see each other through negativity, the more we feel unfairly judged and feel resentful. Resentment breeds resentment and turns into toxic places to work.
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<br />Use the labels in your life to create a palette of colors in the world you want to live in. Design your world. Create your world...and make it the best you can!
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<br />
<br /><a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" mce_href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/" target="_blank"><span><img src="http://www.successtelevision.com/images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" mce_src="images/comprofiler/566_474ef3d89ea94.jpg" alt=" " width="103" align="left" border="0" height="137" /></span></a><span><a href="http://www.creatingwe.com/">Judith E. Glaser</a> is the Author of two best selling business books:</span><span>
<br /></span><p><span><span><span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-We-I-Thinking-We-Thinking-Organization/dp/1598692836/">Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization</a> - winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1593375182/qid=1140444672/sr=2-2/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_2?v=glance">The DNA of Leadership</a>; and the DVD and Workshop titled <a href="http://www.benchmarkcommunicationsinc.com/BCI_publications_gregorygoose-buy.htm">The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose</a></span></span></span></p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Contact: 212-307-4386
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<br />Judith E.Glaserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13354102516368596231noreply@blogger.com0